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Early go Spring

They're coming up
Scratching through the snow
Murmuring to the soil
With poking heads,

Daffodils.

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I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

They have not poked their heads out here yet.
soill = soil (typo)
Good one, Rula,

~Mark~
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........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

having narcissism , I thought they would poke their heads up proudly! Looking all around for an audience.
~ Gee

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You and Mark are absolutely right about using "poking" instead of timid.
I don't know why their tilted heads make me thought that timid suites better.
Thank you for the time. Always appreciated.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

glad it's spring somewhere on this planet!

Some thoughts to consider in this tightly constructed poem:

Early Spring

They're coming up (out? not sure, but consider "up" as they are scratching..)
Scratching through the snow
Murmuring from the soil ("from" the soil they came from)
With poking heads.

Don't feel we need "Narcissus"...just doesn't fit to me, it feels a bit contrived (for lack of a better word)

Happy you can appreciate the magic of flowers and put it such a nice way.

,,

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Early spring is a good alternative as a title indeed.
I'm not sure about murmuring "from", as I mentioned earlier, the tilted heads of the Narcissus always implied that they are in a way talking to the earth, not sure if I want to change it really and as for naming Narcissus in particular, as no other flowers are yet seen around or can scratch through the snow.
Not sure if that makes sense, does it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

Early spring is a good alternative as a title indeed.
I'm not sure about murmuring "from", as I mentioned earlier, the tilted heads of the Narcissus always implied that they are in a way talking to the earth, not sure if I want to change it really and as for naming Narcissus in particular, as no other flowers are yet seen around or can scratch through the snow.
Not sure if that makes sense, does it?

Much appreciate your time and the thoughts.
Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

the poem is always yours, and what's good about various comments is, as Annie Finch says in A Poets Craft, is that it alerts you to how readers are receiving your work. The work is yours to accept or reject their views, but good to keep their points of view in mind...sometimes helps direct you in future poems, and how to control different interpretations, not all of them what you expected (or wanted). Remember the reader is not your friend, or enemy, just a reader who doesn't know you outside the poem. Like a painting. It speaks for itself. If they like it or not, who knows? But at least they show up at the gallery to look, or to read in our case, as we all do to other poets.

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Must be a coincidence that just today I saw some daffodils sprouting and flowering . They are always a harbinger that spring is near

Thanks for coming to read this one and leave a comment which inspired a better ending... I think

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

always glad to help even indirectly

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