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Dream Days of Winged Wonder

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Sat, 2023-06-17 11:35

The rose and the lily, the blue bell and daisy,
on days bathed in sunlight all hallowed and hazy.
I loved them, that summer, when girl she came calling,
laid by me in long grass, in love with me falling.

The damp, diamond dew drops: her tears that I’ll treasure.
Her light-hearted laughter, her smile of pure pleasure.
Those bright balm-filled breezes, the nectar from kisses:
My mouth, on this morning, so madly it misses!

The girl of my dreaming, in jeans, rarely dresses.
The touch of her fingertips, gentle caresses.
Her voice, in a whisper, like swish of the ocean.
French kiss, breathing bliss, from her heart’s deep devotion.

The sound of sweet songbirds in woods gently shaded,
like locks of my true love, by beauty all braided.
Dream days of winged wonder I’ll yearn for forever.
From here to eternity, I’ll rue them never!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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How was my language use?
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Last few words: 
O, those dream days of winged wonder!
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Sat, 2023-06-17 17:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "Dream Days of Winged Wonder". Your poem is a beautiful expression of love and nature. The imagery you use to describe the flowers, dew drops, and breezes is vivid and creates a serene atmosphere. The use of alliteration in the first stanza adds to the musicality of the poem.

The second stanza is particularly powerful as it describes the speaker's longing for his beloved. The use of metaphor in "The damp, diamond dew drops: her tears that I’ll treasure" is poignant and adds depth to the speaker's emotions. The contrast between the girl's casual dress and the intensity of their physical intimacy is also effective.

The final stanza brings the poem to a satisfying conclusion. The comparison between the songbirds and the speaker's beloved is a lovely touch, and the repetition of "Dream days of winged wonder" emphasizes the speaker's nostalgia for those happy moments.

Overall, your poem is well-crafted and evocative. My only suggestion would

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Sat, 2023-06-17 14:13

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imagine lying on the edge of the woods, in the long grass,
listening to the songbirds. I have been out there in the early morning
enough times, that I remember hearing many warbling and trilling birds.

The sun bright, the soft breezes blowing and the lovely lass lying by your
side are easy to envision. A marvelous job!
Your language is very good and not so complicated that one has to think about
what they are reading, just believe!

Your rhyme is great and the sing-song quality is almost hypnotic.
Love the theme! The opening lines are about the scene unfolding and bringing you
to that field of long, sweet grass, and the ending is about the memories that you have of those days.
Excellent! ~ Geez.
.

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Seren

Sat, 2023-06-17 15:23

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I absolutely love this one. You make me yearn for the springtime and laying in the sweet grass. Like Gee I was hypnotised by the sing song quality of this one.

The sound of sweet songbirds in woods gently shaded,
like locks of my true love, by beauty all braided.
Dream days of winged wonder I’ll yearn for forever.
From here to eternity, I’ll rue them never

I love that ending it's absolutely spot on I wouldn't change a thing.

Bravo!!..

Kind regards

Seren

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

Jenifer James

Sun, 2023-06-18 23:02

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Such a gentle poem, full of nostalgia and sweetness... it reminds me of ballads, you know the ones, with a gentle accompaniment from another age. I think it would a great song, lyrical and beautiful. Love the rhythm of the words, the kindness.
Thank you.

Jenifer Jaspa James

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