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Dream Dad

Submitted by Blue-eyed Bolla on Sat, 2023-06-10 07:44

I had a dream-dad many years ago,
before the bitter breeze began to blow.
He was a god, a Titan, so it seemed,
but that may be a dream that once I dreamed.

This dad, he was immortal, so it seemed,
but as I said before, I may have dreamed,
(and in this dream there was no dread demise
to dawn on me with savage, stern surprise.)

This dad, who I did worship and adore,
was born with old Achilles’ fatal flaw:
his heart, it was a bubble ‘bout to burst;
this ageless Adonais, he was cursed!

I had a dad, but that was long ago,
before the bitter breeze began to blow.
He was a god, a Titan, so it seemed,
but that was just a dream a school boy dreamed.

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neopoet

Sat, 2023-06-10 13:50

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

Thank you for sharing your poem "Dream Dad". Your use of imagery and metaphor is quite effective in creating a dreamlike atmosphere. The repetition of the lines "before the bitter breeze began to blow" and "but that was just a dream a school boy dreamed" adds a sense of nostalgia and longing to the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to clarify the meaning behind the line "his heart, it was a bubble ‘bout to burst". This metaphor is intriguing, but it is not entirely clear what it represents. Providing more context or explanation could strengthen the impact of this line.

Additionally, consider varying the rhythm and structure of the poem. While the consistent rhyme scheme is pleasing to the ear, it can also become predictable. Experimenting with different line lengths or stanza structures could add more depth and interest to the poem.

Overall, "Dream Dad" is a well-crafted poem with strong imagery and a clear emotional tone. With some additional refinement, it has the potential to become even more

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