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The Deadly Tailor!

While crocheted in a gloomy mood
only death seemed to seam my breath.
It loomed those silky threads and sewed
coffins in white, to suit my death.

It unlaced my dreams forever
and buttoned tightly a dress 'nstead.
unseaming every brave endeavor,
to punch with gauds a heart, now dead.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Sorry for the mood of this. I don't know where did it come from, yet it came. :(
Editing stage: 

Comments

Silently in the dark of night thoughts flow, sometimes too deep and against the light of daily ways. That they arrived and you captured them is fine as long as you never dwell within their reach.
Good write there young lady, it made a change, just a little tidy needed to make excellent, Yours as always, Ian

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

what you said! Hope I have captured that moment
the best it could be done, no more, no less.

Thank you!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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author comment

the moment. You did just that. ~ Gee

Please acknowledge critique and comments.
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Critique or comment today!

Great to have you on my page!
Appreciate it really !

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
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author comment

A delightful read yet there may be some logic issues as you move from lace and dress.

Thanks

Scott

Scott

I doubt it conveyed the meaning wanted, but when no one pointed it in particular, I thought it is OK.
So nice to hear from you.
Hope all is well.
Please let me know if it feels any better.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Still not to keen on that line. Now it seems to break flow and didn't aid all that much with the logic issue. At a loss for a suggestion though. I will try to circle back later and perhaps something will come

Scott

try

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Unseeming?

Scott

thank you. Appreciate it again.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Another example of some thoughts in the subconscious emerging into a conscious state (mood) and you did justice by converting them into verse...i liked the idea of seaming and un-seaming of life perhaps suggesting thereby that our present life is a cloak covering the soul..if so it fits well with the ideology of transformation of soul over a number of life spans.....i liked the title which made sense only after reading through your poem...

Regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Love your poem. Somehow it inspired this one.

A Beautiful Death

Oh how fortunate was the family of Yassin!
They were among the first to embrace faith
who won against the men of sins
with their courage and belief unsullied.
Their wounds proved their devotion to God Almighty,
thus He freed them from a world of pain
and offered them a place in eternal heaven
Oh such a grand gift that they have gained,
to stand among the triumphant!

Alid

Amen to those who have faith in God!
They are the triumphant indeed.
If my writing really inspired this, I am really happy it did.
Thanks for sharing brother.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

it is enough to look into the endless blessings that I have; hearing, listening andsight are only some to mention.
whatever goes wrong is a human made not of God's.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

author comment

Powerful little poem. Sewn coffin, that's a first for me,
what an idea- although it might stem from the fact that
most people in your country wear robes, long enough
to be twined into a coffin, there being not so many trees
nearby of which to make one. Eerie.
Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

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