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Dead Inside

Forty years
Nothing to show
All my adulthood fears
Time to let go

Hold me down
Chain around my neck
Pulling tighter
Til I feel it crack

No blood to bleed
I'm dead inside
My soul cries for reprieve
My heart wants to hide

Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

many dead bodies, makes me want to shout, watch out! The story reeks of madness and tragedy, there should be a shallow grave in the backyard. I get the feeling that you will be strong enough to manage another shovel full or two. Pat it down carefully and new sod over it and they'll never know! Nice work, sorry that the tale hangs heavy on you. I get the feeling that
the last straw is not far away. My favorite lines:

"Hold me down
come closer yet
Know your name
was on my last breath"

Nothing I would change here, Great stuff!

~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I value your opinion and am glad you enjoyed this. I may not post often but the wheels are always turning. The last straw is imminent as the story goes. Relief from the inner pain and turmoil. Thanks again for the insight and praise.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

I can completely empathize with your tale, for many times I have felt this for myself. It isn't an easy thing to face. my favorite lines are:

Hold me down
Come closer yet
Know your name
Was on my last breath

it is inspired and inspiring!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Thank you for understanding and as always for your valued opinion and critique. The feelings are certainly strong and writing is a safe outlet to let them out.

Join in our collaborative poem workshop. Each member will have a chance to write two stanzas at least four lines each. The stanzas must be relative to the poem.

author comment

absolutely right. writing is the best outlet for expression, in my humble opinion!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

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