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Darkness and Light

Submitted by Shelby Pryor on Tue, 2023-12-12 13:18

It's forever the rainbow
But never the rain
Everyone adores joy
But everybody despises pain

The sun gets all the praise
The moon is deemed dark
Street lights are vibrant
The differences are stark

What I'm trying to say
If you haven't figured it out
All focus on happiness
As for me, I don't doubt

Without the darkness of night
We wouldn't appreciate the sun
We wouldn't know absence of sorrow
If we lived our lives having none

We wouldn't appreciate rainbows
If the storm didn't come through first
For when the weather is most severe
We look for rainbows during the worst

When your heart is ready to burst
When life is harder than it should be
Remember, light comes after darkness
Likewise, joy is the absence of misery

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Editing stage:

Editing - draft

Contest:

Neopoem Weekly 12/11/23 to 12/16/23

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Tue, 2023-12-12 19:20

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Darkness and Light" explores the contrast between happiness and pain, and the importance of experiencing both in order to fully appreciate the positive aspects of life. The use of imagery, such as rainbows and storms, effectively conveys this message.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider the structure of the poem. Currently, the poem is written in four-line stanzas, but the length of the lines varies. This inconsistency in line length can disrupt the flow and rhythm of the poem. To enhance the overall structure, you may want to consider using a consistent line length or experimenting with different stanza structures.

Additionally, the poem could benefit from further development of its themes. While the contrast between darkness and light is explored, it would be interesting to delve deeper into the concept of pain and its role in personal growth or resilience. This could add more depth and complexity to the poem's message.

Overall, "Darkness and Light" presents a thought-provoking perspective on the inter

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Wed, 2023-12-13 23:35

Darkness and Light

Hello, Shelby,
True - it all balances, the joy and pain, darkness and light. I'm wondering about using the word "pain" often. I realize it goes along with your tight rhyme, but it stands out a bit to me. I'm also a bit baffled by the final line - I believe I understand what you are saying, but the word "only" depletes the word "joy" somewhat. I sense that joy is amazingly bountiful - never associated with "only" anything. That may just be me, though. It sounds like your wisdom is from experience - there is a wonderful sincerity here.
Thank you!
L

Shelby Pryor

Thu, 2023-12-14 11:45