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The Cycle

I'm on my knees

Begging anyone please

But no one seems to see the storm

Beaneath the sea's calm facade

The twisted mishappen shapes

Dwelling below...

At the core

I'm afraid they will be freed

Unable to go ignored

I feel them seeking revenge

Hunting for fresh untried food

Prey and game

I want to warn others

Tell them to run away

Be wary of me

See me coming?


But I need their help....

Now where does that leave me?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 


Welcome to Neopoet or should I say welcome back,
I took the liberty of reading your profile, if you have
poetry under another name perhaps our technical team
can help, scroll down from the "help" tab at the top of
the page and choose "contact Neopoet", then choose
"bug report/technical issue and let them know as much
as you can about the problem.

This poem, it starts out good, but loses me as to intent,
someone on their knees, then there are monsters under
the ocean (serpents perhaps), then they are you?
Didn't get the end at all, what have I missed?


Thank you for your comment, I'll take the time to work out which direction I want this writing to take. Your input is deeply appreciated.

author comment

‘I'm on my knees
Begging anyone please’ =a little cliché, and well known words of a song

I would simply make it
‘I'm on my knees
and I would also drop the last line
just me I stress

a couple of typos
‘Beaneath the sea's calm façade’ (beneath)
‘The twisted mishappen shapes’ (misshapen)

otherwise I think this is a really good write
I catch the emotion – great word usage with such as
‘Beneath the sea's calm facade’
‘twisted misshapen ‘
‘seeking revenge’
‘Prey and game’

- depicts the inner demons well
love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

A write about the hidden demons most people hide under sometimes just a smile, but some demons are bad if let loose.
Many people hide anger and depression that sometimes boils over seeking new things to battle with, I hopr that the ones you hide are not that bad.
The write is good on the whole just as Judy said watch out for those Cliche things, trouble with those things they are everywhere and hard to avoid, just have a read and if it sounds familiar then change the words around as Judy has done, Yours Ian.T

There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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