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COWARD"S LOVE
How selfish I must be at heart,
and claiming such is just the start,
for cowardly would fit me too.
I'm not the man you thought you knew.
We're both now coming of an age
that's like act three on our life's stage.
Our middle years are passing fast
with autumn coming near at last.
Our passion's not urgent or bright
as it was on our wedding night
but it's still more than just a spark
or memory on which we hark.
My love has never ceased to grow
a feeling which I'm sure you know
and it gets stronger every year
leading to my coward's fear.
One of us I know will die
and leave the other one to cry.
The thought that makes me think I'm cursed
is the hoping that I will die first.
I can see you going on sans me
even finding a new love, maybe,
but if I were to be left without you
my life would be most surely through.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 14:19
coward
I guess goosebumps is good lol . Always good to hear from you Shirley.....stan
author commentBonitaj
Fri, 2010-11-05 12:59
Scribbler!
You've just jotted your way into my heart! Great write!
Bonita j
Bonitaj
scribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 14:21
coward
thank you for taking the time to read this and leave such a kind remark.....scribbler
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 18:01
love
somebody once said there is no gain without risk. I reckon this applies to love also. Glad you enjoyed this.....stan
author commentNordic cloud
Fri, 2010-11-05 16:12
"My love has never ceased to
"My love has never ceased to grow
a bald fact I'm sure you know
and it gets stronger every year
leading to my coward's fear"
This verse was a little uncomfortable,
I loved the rest I feel you could make
this verse better somehow? Perhaps I
am not so fond of "bald fact" in such
a poem!
I like you sentiment, she is lucky to have you
just make the best of life, the rest will look after
itself when the time comes, we don't have to take
our sorrows before they are a fact.
Then we shall find out how we react, and do
something about that. For me death is final,
I can mourn but then I think of the fact that
they are never coming back and life goes on,
I am sure they wouldn't like us to become
sad in the rest of our lives, so I think of them
with the joy in my heart that they gave me
and this makes them almost seem alive again
inside my mind, I even ask them questions
and imagine their answers, so that they are
still with me in a way!
When it is parents their little traits are recognisable
in myself and that gives me also a feeling that
they are still here in a way, again. My feelings
for them are in me always and can be touched.
Oh I don't know but I suppose we are all different
in this respect.
Love to you and your wife Scribbler,
I feel you will manage either way.
you kind man. Ann..
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
scribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 18:02
coward
Hmmmm..... Just made a minor edit on that verse. I appreciate your comment.....scribbler
author commentVictorclaude
Fri, 2010-11-05 21:43
Scribbler,
Scribbler,
How very touching, and honestly so. I love it when people tell the truth.
Bravo~!
Victor
"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."
Unknown (at least to me)
scribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 22:24
love
the great thing about truth is not having to memorize it as one does a lie lol. thanks for dropping by..........stan
author commentscribbler
Fri, 2010-11-05 22:26
coward
I guess love can bring out the worst as well as best in all of us. Did not intend for poem to upset anybody though...........stan
author commentjudyanne
Sat, 2010-11-06 01:19
i have a lump in my throat stan
such beautiful sentiment
yes, i think we're mostlty all selfish and would rather go first....
love the scribble scribbler
hugs
judy
xxxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Sat, 2010-11-06 21:37
love
I am glad this poem touch you so . Thanks.....scribbler
author commentloved
Sat, 2010-11-06 18:35
with so many dawns
how can now any lover
a coward be
we all adorn
scribbler ur scribbling,
not only I but we!!!!
loved
loved
Sat, 2010-11-06 18:40
one more idea comes
at that hour
let the darkness light
and as i get out of sight ,
i shall take flight
and you shall be
along by my side
twill then alone be right
as in the middle
of no where
i wouldn't know where,
to go
and unless
you continue to hold my hand i will not go nor let you go
loved
scribbler
Sat, 2010-11-06 21:39
love
So good to see you again loved. Thanks for the time and kind comment (s).........scribbler
author comment