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Control

Submitted by LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe on Sun, 2012-02-19 19:51

You play these games, baby honestly?
It's such a shame, you think you control me.
Control my life, and everything around,
I've got my feet on solid ground.
And you cant stand the sound.
That my heart doesn't pound for you anymore
You didn't want me im not your toy
you wanted a boy
I dont want to cover up for you
It hurts to much through and through.
All I ever do was try.
And you nothing but lie.
It makes me want to die.
I cry I try to create.
A cover up for my emotions and feelings
Like you did for fear someone would find out the truth.
You dont realize what you say is real
Ruthless
Thoughtless
Heartless
Im done
I want none of this.
I never said I didnt try
and im sorry our love had to die.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
enjoy
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Starlight

Mon, 2012-02-20 11:19

Starlight's picture

i like this. it cuts right to the point. i like how you express the feelings. :)

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe

Tue, 2012-02-21 01:15

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe's picture

thanx means a lot coming from you=)

author comment

Ian.T

Tue, 2012-02-21 04:06

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

I need to take a breath, A great write just a few breaks would help.
Have a go at the workshops here and see if you can have a mentor to help you a little with forms of poetry and the lovely rhythm of poetry that is the Classics.
Now a days most write free form as it saves learning but you have so much time to learn and polish what you have into a gem of poetry, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

weirdelf

Thu, 2012-02-23 04:36

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

The rest is a love poem relevant to no-one else.

Sorry to be harsh, but see what I mean?

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe

Thu, 2012-03-22 21:08

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe's picture

ofcourse not ur not being harsh but do remember im only 17 and i do this just for fun

author comment

Esker

Thu, 2012-02-23 17:23

Esker's picture

I love all the time..I have many passions
and take risks..the world is full of people fearful
to work at relationships and there are many
whom were burned long ago and remained
scarred and broken beyond healing..
This poetic hurt here..and the best line for
me that I relate well to is this

"I never said I didn't try
and I'm sorry our love had to die"

gracious and accepting
not blaming Nor dragging anyone down
There is no room for this when one
has truly experienced a love effort
a love loss a love risk

This poem speaks well and I like
its construction well

Thank You

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe

Thu, 2012-03-22 21:08

LoVeMeNeVeRFoRgEtMe's picture

thank you verry much =) im glad u liked it

author comment

Eduardo Cruz

Thu, 2012-03-22 23:40

Eduardo Cruz's picture

it's ok that you are seventeen, it just means you have more time then i to learn, just open your mind. now that you have come here use the site for your benefit. read starlights poem she's young too. you must let your poetry flow it's in you just find that voice and let it be heard on paper. Maybe try and write angry. or dark. push love aside and write about what pisses you off. write it in prose. the poetry will follow. channel all the emotions you feel. I've been writing for a while, and i am still looking for my voice. all i know is that i love to read poetry more than writing it, but my writing comes from reading other poets. there is plenty to read here. this is a workshop and we learn from each other.

Eddie

LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE

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