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COMING SOON
As the winter winds still sing
A fading lonesome final song,
Snows will slowly fade away
As springtime comes along.
Winter snows will leave the mountains
While cool water will provide its worth,
The streams and lakes will fill again
Beautiful signs of summer's birth.
Robins and other song birds sing
Tunes that fill the daytime skies,
As crocus, tulips, and daffodils bloom
Before our waiting watchful eyes.
As daylight slowly fades away
Replaced by all the sounds of night,
Listen as coyotes raise their voice
Hear owls in their nearly silent flight.
The sights and sounds are all around us
So we must take the time to hear and see,
If we chose to ignore the blessings served
What a lonesome world ours would be.
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What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Is the internal logic consistent?
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neopoet
Fri, 2024-02-16 20:43
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem effectively uses imagery and sensory language to bring the reader into the changing seasons. However, there are areas where the poem could be improved.
Firstly, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhyme scheme. The first two stanzas follow an ABAB rhyme scheme, but this pattern is not consistently followed in the rest of the poem. Maintaining a consistent rhyme scheme can help to create a rhythmic flow and enhance the overall reading experience.
Secondly, the poem could also be improved by varying the sentence structure. Most of the sentences start with "As" or "The", which can make the poem feel repetitive. By varying the sentence structure, the poem could become more engaging and dynamic.
Lastly, the final stanza introduces a moral or lesson, which is a departure from the descriptive nature of the previous stanzas. If the intention is to convey a message or moral, it might be beneficial to weave this throughout the poem, rather than introducing it at the end. This could create a more cohesive narrative and make the message more impactful.
Overall, while the poem effectively uses sensory language and imagery, improvements could be made in terms of rhyme scheme, sentence structure, and the integration of the poem's message.
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-17 05:34
hello Will :)
I see your title: Large and long, overhead flashing its message in bright neon letters, lol. the message is great and your poem flows very well. I am wishing for an early Spring with lots of flowers awakening from the soil. I think all the blooms mentioned are bulb flowers, are they not. my favorite Is the daffodil. my favorite lines are:
As daylight slowly fades away
Replaced by all the sounds of night,
Listen as coyotes raise their voice
Hear owls in their nearly silent flight.
*hugs, Cat
p.s.
sometimes in the early morning we can see Deer in our backyard.
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
William Lynn
Sat, 2024-02-17 10:41
Hi Cat.
Hi Cat.
Yes, all the flowers mentioned are bulbs and are the first in our yard to wake up and show off. We only have an occasional owl, but can often hear the coyotes howling on a lava bench area at the back of our property. We use to have a lot of deer but now only a few tracks in the snow from visitors in the night. THINK SPRING!
Many thanks for reading and for your generous comments. - Will
author commentCandlewitch
Sat, 2024-02-17 17:05
dear Will,
I like your title. I forgot to say so earlier, lol,
*ever eddy styx
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.