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Cold(Olympic Pool)

Submitted by China Blue on Tue, 2011-09-06 10:31

The touch that I once longed for
Now repulses

Lips once warm and sweet
Have turned calloused and cold

Little innuendos
now chafe and bite

Give them to another
For I no longer can
bear the thought of you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Olympic Pool (initial workshop)

Comments

Candlewitch

Tue, 2011-09-06 12:34

Candlewitch's picture
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absolutely COLD! You could freeze water on it and make ice cubes! I love it and wouldn't change a word.

always, Cat

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raj

Tue, 2011-09-06 15:33

nicely done...precise and yet effective..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Kailashana2

Tue, 2011-09-06 16:03

Hi Chrys, hope you're mending well, and Lonnie's waiting on you hand and foot.

I don't know if I'm off target here, but if this were my poem, I'd change the last stanza,
to read:

Give them to another;
I no longer
bear the thought of you.

For me it's more precise. Good poem conveying the icy stare.

~A

lou

Tue, 2011-09-06 21:31

lou's picture

Very chilly remind me not to get on your bad side LOL!!!!

Filled with ice cold hate, I personally wouldn't change a thing about it.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

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