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Cemetery suicide

Submitted by zuella on Wed, 2024-04-10 07:20

“I dont want to die”
You say

“Im scared of death”
You say

You drone on about how you hate death and everything it brings, and why you never want to disintegrate into a heavy, cold corpse.

But you rot every day.

Review Request (Intensity):

I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

I haven’t posted in a couple weeks, idk how I feel about this. I saw a quote saying something about corpses and people rotting and I really really connected with it because it’s exactly what I do. I drag myself into toxic situations to rot because it’s the love I feel I deserve.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

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Comments

neopoet

Wed, 2024-04-10 13:20

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Cemetery suicide" effectively conveys a sense of contradiction and internal conflict regarding the fear of death. The repetition of "You say" emphasizes the speaker's reluctance and fear, creating a strong emotional impact. The abrupt shift in the final line, "But you rot every day," serves as a powerful conclusion, highlighting the inevitable decay of life despite one's aversion to death. Consider exploring the theme of mortality further by delving into the reasons behind the speaker's fear and resistance towards death. Additionally, you may want to experiment with varying the structure or adding more vivid imagery to enhance the overall impact of the poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Geezer

Wed, 2024-04-10 08:09

I love this!...

I can see how this kind of attitude would wear on a person.
I also see these retorts dancing about in your head:

"Shit, you are already dead, because you let the fear of dying keep you from living!"
Or... " How about I help you, confront it and get it over with?" [JOKING, of course]

Yeah, I've got one or two that visit the opposite scenario almost daily, and I'm like...

"Damn, if life is so boring, and you want to die... "I think we can help you with that". [again, JOKING]
"If misery loves company, why don't you find another miserable soul"?

I guess your title is okay, [at least as good as I could come up with].
Your language use is good, plain without a lot of extras.
I've already said that I love this...
The beginning and the end were perfect, they introduced the theme and ended the poem succinctly.
Yeah, sounds logical to me.
~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

zuella

Wed, 2024-04-10 09:52

Long time no see geezer! Hii,

Long time no see geezer! Hii, I loved that line you said about misery and miserable company, that was like exactly what I was trying to get somoen to think about, I think. Yeah I really don’t like the title much, I couldn’t really come up with anything, I was going to name it simply corpse or something like “graveyard life”, I really wasn’t sure. Thabks so much for the feedback, you always give the best stuff.

-zuella

The normal fear the poets and the poets fear the normal.
Thank you for your time!
-Zuella

author comment

Leslie

Thu, 2024-04-11 00:17