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Black Day All Tied Up...

Black Day All Tied Up…

I hate this fucking black tie,
men fidgeting while women cry.
Here we are, we meet again,
does it have to fucking rain.

All acting suitably subdued,
what else is there now but drink.
Morbid tales of others viewed,
gives everyone time to think.

A shiny wooden box for a final closure,
sure as hell nicer than cremation’s fire.
Undertaker hands on the burial brochure,
such an ending, he hopes we all require.

But as sadness grazes
on personal mortality,
I think of what amazes,
giving all instinctive vitality.

To see the young continue,
from an ancient’s common seat.
For them I must, no, will renew
my battle that corruption of
their lives I shall fucking defeat.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
This says it all...
Editing stage: 

Comments

I feel like quibbling about inconsistencies of form, but I'm not a quibbler and it works.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

Thank you and i will find time to iron out a few things. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

but in this instance I feel the inconsistencies work for you.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet Managing Directors, with Richard (themoonman)

And the guests and you with your tie on wishing to remove it.
It was fantastic

It was not a good day, thank you for commenting. Regards Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment

Funerals are always more about the living than the dead. For some it's almost a family reunion atmasphere. The rhyme scheme varied but it seems to work with this poem. I it were me I would write Will instead of will in line 3 last stanza.................stan

Thank you Stan, you're correct they are a bit of a reunion. I took your advice partially anyway, and changed that line on the last verse. Thanks again. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

author comment
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