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Black And White

Submitted by Mr joghe on Wed, 2024-05-22 07:36

Stop coming into my world when I am still gentle
For I cherish every single blade of grass
Engulfs with water that carries all fortunes
Underneath, all gifts hide for my children to find
In every nook and cranny, they will be heard.
Coming into my world is a saga
For my children to read, to learn your way;
When I took your hand like a toddler,
I took my hat off to walk a mile in your shoes
In my heart was an answer to your every question
But my lips were caution with rod.
Every night I wept, after I had laid all my children by the heels for your sake
For my gratitude; I laid low to walk upon by your children
I bestood you well under the gun to serve my children their meals
Since you had taken your hook, why are you coming into my world again?

The black-sheep called me to feed them gold and silver
To have a portion of land;
To eat all your milk in a warm hut;
My rod is their command, and my footstool is their stay
To give order to obey with my guns and bullets.

My gold the ugly ones have given you
For a slice cake and a cup of honey
Leave when I am still calm, because the beautiful ones are crying.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Black And White is a poem that reflects a black man and White man exchanging words on the black soil.
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
Neopoet Weekly 05/19/24 to 05/25/24
Content level: 
Explicit Content
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neopoet

Wed, 2024-05-22 13:40

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Black And White" explores themes of boundaries, power dynamics, and exploitation through vivid imagery and metaphorical language. The speaker's voice conveys a sense of protectiveness and frustration towards those who intrude upon their world, taking advantage of their generosity and resources. The use of nature imagery, such as blades of grass, water, and gifts hidden underneath, adds depth to the poem's message.

One suggestion for improvement is to consider refining the structure and flow of the poem. Some lines could be trimmed or rearranged to enhance the overall coherence and impact of the piece. Additionally, paying attention to the consistency of metaphors and symbols throughout the poem can help strengthen the thematic unity.

Overall, "Black And White" presents a thought-provoking perspective on human interactions and the complexities of give-and-take relationships. Continuing to fine-tune the language and structure of the poem can further elevate its emotional resonance and thematic clarity.

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