Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Bits

Doing it bare with you
was like running over broken glass
the absolute thrill of it
would dip my soul in fire

But our world has ended
The blankets are no more
the chore of breathing has become-
A keepsake I cannot discard

The last dregs of our affair
Catch in my throat
The walls have liquefied,
and the sky has fallen
Crushing us
damning us to ashes without hope

I still do it with others,
Bare-back and raw,
So that each time
the air becomes a pungent knot,
And remember you
And our blood,now one,rung through,
dribbles onto the sheets,
Spills over the bed,
Parting the carpet,parting time:
Our blood lives on.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Its been a very long time since I read you ... I have missed your words you have a style all your own I am so happy to see you ... I have no words your poem is brilliant and my favourite stanza is the last

Brava

love Jayne-Chloe xx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

back to back dance
in a dying romance
I wonder !

loved

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.