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Aunt Nell (y)

Submitted by jane210660 on Tue, 2017-05-16 10:30

Aunt Nell is a hundred,
telegram from the queen,
bit of a do
in a local pub,
half filled glasses of warm fizz
and she's a jolly good fellow.

Aunt Nell wasn't always Nell.
She was Nelly growing up
but she married well.
Good bone structure
opens a lot of doors,
gave her choices.

She chose an accountant no less
and became the doyen
of middle class suburbia.
Nice semi, in a good area,
just the right sort of people.
Bingo was replaced by bridge.

Saturday nights in the Ballroom Tower,
slow slow, quick quick, slow
and home again in the Rover.
During the week, twinset and pearls
worn as a badge of office.
I am here, I have arrived,
I am one of the ‘right sort’.

Her sister in law muttered darkly
“She’s got ideas above herself that one"
as she nursed Nelly’s mother through
the final stages of cancer.
Nell couldn't do that you see,
she would have had to go back
to the stone terraced rows
and become Nelly again.

Whilst Mother’s Union,
morning coffee and afternoon tea
kept Nell busy,
her husband sought his fancies elsewhere.
He was forgiven of course,
superficially.
Her boys preferred the warmth
of their aunt’s house
where the chatter was nonstop and the laughter loud
and you could even put your elbows on the table.

It’s just Aunt Nell and her sister in law now,
the others have long departed
apart from a particularly useless son
who doesn't feel the need
to return a love
he never received.
Her sister in law calls
“Hurry up our Nelly
we’ll miss that bus”
Aunt Nell winces
and quickens her step.
So vulgar shouting in the street

Here's my voice recording
https://soundcloud.com/user-391664655/aunt-nell

Last few words:

This is really left field for me. Not my usual style, but I wanted to try something different. Incidentally, it is based on a real Aunt Nell, who is indeed one hundred and still going strong.

Editing stage:

Editing - rough draft

Comments

Eumolpus

Tue, 2017-05-16 16:33

yes, quite different.

Your voice recording is again superb. each word is cared for so we can follow with enjoyment and ease. It's an honest slice of life in the big city (or town).
I have been reading the essays of Valery, and among many interesting things he suggests is
poetry: dance prose: walking/running. Prose has a destination. Dancing is about itself.
When first I just listened to your reading, without looking, it appeared to me to be a prose poem, that very new universe of the biblio world. I think it was Rimbaud that was the first...I have very mixed feelings about prose poems, and there are so many poets who used that well- Borges and Pessoa are in my opinion the best (South American)
But no, you have written a poem...In my reading to myself and your reading, I can't find the poetic pace, just feels like a good prose poem to me. Even the last line, I can't read it in context to the music in the poem, but in prose it works.
Knoxville Summer 1915 by James Agee, the introduction to a novel, which became a prose poem and put to music gloriously by Samuel Barber. It had some of the repeated words and
poetic devises, but it was ...prose. This piece, to me, feels a bit like that.
In closing, I do think there is a distinction between a poem, lyrics for a song, and prose-poems. Does it all really matter, these categories??? I suppose yes and no. We can distinguish pastel from oil painting, and enjoy them both within the possibilities of the medium.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

jane210660

Wed, 2017-05-17 06:40

I agree, there is a

I agree, there is a distinction between poems, lyrics and prose poems.
I was at a poetry workshop yesterday and some really good prose poems were read out. Not mine I hasten to add. But I felt inspired to try a version. This is set out as a poem, not prose and I'm hopeful it has sufficient poetry elements in it. I'm going to take it to my next poetry workshop and see what they make of it.
I did enjoy writing it, it felt quite liberating.
Jx

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author comment

Geezer

Tue, 2017-05-16 17:58

No matter what...

you call it, I like it. Yes, I suppose there is a difference and a category to put each of them in. I felt the emotion and the story was great; isn't that what we look for in a work? You connected with me on this one. It wasn't couched in obscure terms and it had a story that I didn't have to figure out or interpret for myself. Thanks for sharing. P.S. I went and listened to your recording and your accent just made it all the better! ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

jane210660

Wed, 2017-05-17 02:35

Thanks Gee

Glad you enjoyed it.
It's a piece of social history really, an observation, perhaps a little cynical. Aunt Nell is from my other half's side, which makes it a bit easier to stand back and look in.
She is amazing for a hundred though, still goes gadding about with her sister in law, day trips, shopping, etc and lives independently in her own house. Made of stern stuff is Aunt Nell.
Jx

------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.

author comment

Geezer

Wed, 2017-05-17 13:48

They don't...

make them like they used to, huh? ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

fink555

Wed, 2017-05-24 20:54

Ease

There's a certain ease of observation to it that I really find comforting. Thank you!

Neopoet

Aunt Nell (y)