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An Act of bravery

Submitted by Hon on Sat, 2024-01-20 15:33

O, our warrior, O, our warrior, O, our warrior
carrying themselves in a bravery stand
despite coming to face a risky task
through the hardship of the battlefield
where countless lives are taken
with an untold legacy story behind
Many unsung heroes that we call
feel immense with the respect of
patriotism and inspiration
that we pay great tribute to
with an unselfish act and the
contributions that are made
to fight for our country
to grant a freedom
protect this great land
for us to live in prosperity
to see a smile on each face
For this, we owe a lot to them
for their courage and sacrifices
with a sincere of gratitude
from the bottom of our heart
we salute to them for all
of their unwavering services

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Contest: 
01/24 An Act Of Bravery
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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neopoet

Sat, 2024-01-20 21:33

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "An Act of Bravery" is a tribute to warriors who risk their lives for the safety and prosperity of their country. The theme is clear and the sentiments are well expressed. However, there are a few areas that could be improved for clarity and impact.

1. Consistency in Language: The poem starts with an archaic "O, our warrior" which sets an expectation for a certain level of formality and antiquity in language. However, the rest of the poem does not consistently follow this tone. Consider maintaining a consistent language style throughout the poem.

2. Grammar and Syntax: There are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasings that disrupt the flow of the poem. For example, "with a sincere of gratitude" could be revised to "with sincere gratitude". Also, "of they unwavering services" should be "of their unwavering services".

3. Imagery and Metaphors: The poem could benefit from more vivid imagery and metaphors to make the tribute more powerful. Instead of stating "with an unselfish act and the contributions that are made", you could show these acts and contributions through specific examples or metaphors.

4. Rhythm and Meter: The poem lacks a consistent rhythm or meter, which can make it difficult to read. Consider revising the poem to have a more consistent rhythm, which can enhance the overall impact of the poem.

5. Show, Don't Tell: The poem tells the reader about the bravery and sacrifices of the warriors, but it could be more powerful if it showed these qualities through specific examples or stories. This would allow the reader to feel the impact of the warriors' actions more deeply.

In conclusion, while the poem's theme is clear and important, its execution could be improved through consistent language, correct grammar, vivid imagery, consistent rhythm, and showing instead of telling.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Tawny023

Sun, 2024-01-21 04:56

As a reader I was honored to read this depiction of gratitude to our nation’s service members. Their sacrifices are never to be ignored. Well done.

Hon

Fri, 2024-01-26 13:08

Hon's picture

Thank you for the compliment and kind word.

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