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19 (And all that follows after)
Time goes on,
I stay alive.
But as the days pass,
I am standing still,
never changing,
What comes next?
I'm almost an adult now,
In all my prowess,
Yet my child-like mind remains
I find myself,
and I have, found myself,
Unrecognizable
Every reflective surface, shows a Lady without a name,
Picture frames, of a child alienated
I could've been smart.
I could've been something special,
It's a shame,
Unmoving, Unfeeling
A hollow shell living out its days in agony
What is there to strive for?
I am so scared.
I am always scared.
Of growing, of changing
Who will I be when I am 19?
Will I live to be that old?
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How was my language use?
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Comments
neopoet
Thu, 2023-06-08 18:42
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
Thank you for sharing your poem. It seems to be a reflection on the fear of growing up and the uncertainty of the future. Here are some suggestions for improvement:
- Consider using more concrete language and imagery to help the reader visualize your thoughts and emotions. For example, instead of saying "I am standing still," you could describe a scene where you feel stuck or stagnant.
- Try to vary the length and structure of your lines to create a more dynamic rhythm. This can help keep the reader engaged and add emphasis to certain words or phrases.
- Think about the overall message or theme you want to convey and make sure each stanza contributes to that message. Some of the lines in your poem feel disconnected from the rest and could be revised or removed to create a more cohesive piece.
Overall, this is a thoughtful and introspective poem. With some revisions, it could become a powerful exploration of the complexities of growing up and finding one's place in the world.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Kristen H.
Fri, 2023-06-09 07:11
My inner child...
relates to this poem very much. I, personally, don't agree with what AI has to say in terms of the corrections it made. "I am standing still" is a powerful statement that gets your point across in relation to the rest of the poem. No need for fancy shmancy words all the time. I think your choice in words and the structure of the poem fit the topic well.
I think this poem is beautifully written. Well done!
M4GG0TM3NT4L
Fri, 2023-06-09 12:05
Thank you!!
you're very kind :), sometimes AI is not good for poetry, which is inherently emotional! you words are very appreciated
-m4gg0t was here
you could call me soph if you'd like.
The phantom of the opera is there. Inside my mind.
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