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Whitney's Eyes (Senryu)

Submitted by Leonard on Mon, 2011-07-11 07:33

rain storms reflected
lightening and thunder too
in crystalline pools

Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Dalton

Mon, 2011-07-11 11:25

I think I would lose the word "too" in the second line. I understand you need to maybe fill that syllable with some word or other. Otherwise this piece is faultless. Keep writing.

John (If God Lived On Earth People Would Break His Windows)

Kailashana2

Mon, 2011-07-11 11:30

Oh, my John, I was just going to write that...

perhaps...

rain storms reflected
lightning strikes, thunder vibrates (spelling is lightning for lightning strikes btw)
in crystalline pools

Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-08-14 00:16

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I love this poem. It's more of a haiku than a senyru bc it a description in nature rather than human involvement.The picture of lighting in a crystalline pool has me meditating on this beauty of nature. I'd like to see one this beautiful on my Renga workshop on your view of hatred before Sunday.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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Leonard

Thu, 2014-08-14 00:53

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I love hearing from you. You know, I have not revealed what inspired this piece. It was actually inspired by the late Whitney Houstin's eyes. I think she had the very beautiful eyes.

Thanks for your appreciating.

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

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Barbara Writes

Thu, 2014-08-14 01:11

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She was a beautiful woman. Unless uou say I would never have guessed

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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raj

Thu, 2014-08-14 01:15

The poem is intrinsically beautiful. Thanks to Barbara it is back in stream which gave me the privilege to read it and absorb its beauty. Your revelation about the source of its inspiration has further pronounced it by making it multi dimensional.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

Leonard

Thu, 2014-08-14 05:28

Leonard's picture

I am happy you feel the way you do about this piece.

Happy to reconnect

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

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Ian.T

Thu, 2014-08-14 03:57

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The eyes have it a damn good write, if it's our Whitney you are writing about.
Extra info from the net:-

Lightening vs Lightning
The English words lightening and lightning are only one letter apart in spelling and pronunciation, but worlds apart in meaning. The lightning bolt of comprehension you get after reading this lesson will start lightening your confusion.

Lightening

Lightening is the present participle of the verb "to lighten," and refers to the process of making something lighter in colour. Lightening is the opposite of darkening, or making something darker.
I’m lightening my jeans by adding bleach to the wash. The dark blue will become light blue.
He’s lightening the room by painting it white.
Lightening also refers to the process of making something lighter in weight.
Lightening is the opposite of making something heavier.
By using more plastic in place of metal, and thereby lightening cars, we can get better gas mileage.
The trick to lightening a cake is using beaten egg whites.

Lightning

Lightning is a noun – it refers to the meteorological phenomenon that is followed by thunder.
Lightning tends to strike the tallest thing in its vicinity.
The lightning storm caused the forest fire.
There ends the lesson on how to lighten the load of searching on the net lol.
Loves you all yours Sparrow

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Leonard

Thu, 2014-08-14 05:20

Leonard's picture

for your most lucid explanation. Today, I have learnt something and I am grateful to you. I had a feeling though that there was something wrong. Now I know what.

Thanks once again

Cheers

Leonard Daranjo

"When the waiting stops, the living begins"

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