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ANCIENT ARISEN

Submitted by reepa on Thu, 2011-12-01 16:28

ANCIENT ARISEN

Ancient arisen yet only two quarters into life,
soul with fire i will not fall to the dark this night.
Go gentle at the close of this day,
for an old arisen man, leads with the light.
Two quaters and the knowing, born from dust
with ease,
to return spellbound if i must.

Ancient arisen alive again,
spirit in rage
mind at ease,
This day, this dawn
a will, a way, a plea
a moment without the demons morn.
Maybe an old man with feeling,
maybe a young man with depth,
either way the icy dawn this man shall not
will not in truth flea.

Ancient arizen
uncharted i woke'
the clock no longer binding
ancient arizen free to walk,
alive with each stroke.
With each thought freedom in the soul,
alive as if returned spellbound
it lives and breethes
for this man found a moment to be free.
A moment of knowing ,one single simple truth
a truth of love in the soul again.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Race_9togo

Fri, 2011-12-02 00:36

Race_9togo's picture
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This is good. You need to check you spelling a bit, ("plee" for example) but I like this poem, it flows very well, and the cadence is good too.
Even more important, to me, is the evocation of emotion, in a poem, and your's does this nicely.
Good stuff, keep writing, but check the spelling!

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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reepa

Fri, 2011-12-02 07:25

HI thank you for your input, glad you like it.
i know the spellings not that great, ill fix it up.
it was my first poem back to neopoet after the crash.
it wasint properly proofed.

thank you
Zane

author comment

wesley snow

Fri, 2011-12-02 13:43

wesley snow's picture
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On all fronts. The poem is intense and subtle. I was able to see multiple perspectives... as I read. That always astounds me.
But the proofreading (I feel) is critical. I try never to allow anything to slip through my fingers without it be EXACTLY what I intend. The reader may hate my poetry, but let him hate it because it's bad poetry and not because I didn't post it carefully.
Over at another site I'm teasingly referred to as "The Grammar Cop" because I'm endlessly willing to point out misspellings and whatnot. I think you can easily find the slip ups and I'll check on your work later to see you have corrected them (I'm teasing, though I will be back).
Otherwise, an extremely satisfying poem.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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reepa

Fri, 2011-12-02 15:33

Thanks Wesley, u made a valid point. ive never really been
one for perfect grammer, i always just loved the words.
Truthfully thou u make a good point.
I shall infuture look a bit more.

Thanks

Zane

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