a Crescent Mourning

What I could do with your vocabulary,Ive said it before but you paint such a vivid picture, your poems are great all around great ...ZOMBIE

Brilliant, and my suggestion, is, In One Breath, or I Forgave Them all, or Life's Debris. Boy this one is hard, great poem and my brain can not see a heading. Music of Life, or The Reckoning. Aww, I am tired, I will read again tomorrow and hopefully some one can do a title apt for this. i like the beginning and the way it threw you off into a world of destruction so to speak. Clever yet a little scary in the survival respect. I am being careful what I say, you have blown my mind, not away, my mind. You are gonna have to use your brain on this one honey, mine is down the gurgler, lol, Wonderful write without too much and I will bid thee goodnight. Before I forget, where is Gee? Love Lyz. XX Sorry.

It is stupendous, remarkable, sublime... But what can you call it? "Minuet in D Minor?" or "All of a crescent moon morn." Sorry, I have no other ideas at this time, but I will return if I think of any. Love, Cat

Dearest JayC, as I have said before this kind of verse really is your forte and the reflections in this poem are made all the more powerful as a result. There are a few words that you might like to think about changing in my opinion. "seeped octaves"....i'm not sure i can visualise this image to be honest. If it is octaves on an instrument then I would have expected "spanned". If you are thinking of a note on a page being dragged down it by the tears then perhaps spell it out by showing a little more. I also found the next few lines difficult to put in context and it is not at all clear if they are strongly or weakly linked to the next verse. As it stands the break between the verses seems arbitrary. How about something like "violet tears dragged notes octaves down the page sounding more profound as they move through life. Shivers take hold" (I think it might be better in the present tense to give more of a sense of immediacy) The use of profound obviously builds on the image of the tears lowering the sound by octaves. In the next verse I again found the image of tissues of newspaper difficult to visualise since newspaper is not tissue and so I wanted to read "strips" or something like that. Also this verse does not flow quite as well as it might. How about: "strips of newspaper, blowing into coils their strings of snapshot breaths inhaling the past. Dustbins filled with damaged organs, the necessary excisions of survival, now pulsing with life once more." A little further down I feel "route's end" sounds a bit strange....rather like a bus route or something. It may be a little clicheed but perhaps "journey's end" might work better. The last verse I love by the way. Love and hugs from Big Bruv....hard to please as always lol

Jayne The music in you has escaped falling notes onto this page. Full of colour of mineral stones and nature I have so many books to read still trying to find the time I ususally read several at the same time. first and last verse the best for me Always Blue