Seren

Jul 31, 2009 ⭐ View statistics (Premium feature)

Lasting Vision

If I could take the weight
that burdens your mind
I'd bundle it up and
send them through time
A yesterday will come
today a gentle dream
all that's left in sight
drifting velvet gleams
Eternity exquisite
awaits a needful soul
beauty to infinity
within an angels hold
Freeing from earth's pull
flying winds of right
pain is just a memory
a spirit does excite
Memories have erased
as divined to be
but living deep in energy
wells of love for thee

— Seren, Jul 31, 2009

About This Poem

About the Author

Region, Country: Beyond the Black Stump..Australia, AUS

Favorite Poets: Pablo Neruda, P.K.Page, W.H.Auden, to many and various to include them all ...

Critiques

sweetspirit

16 years 10 months ago

Loves the ~Flow~

Love this one my friend..the flow is truley wonderful..was very easy to read was done before I knew and the sentiment of it is always touching for who doesn't want to take away the pain that a loved one feels and make it all better for them.. Beautifully written.. ~SweetSpirit~

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

~SweetSpirit~

Thank you for your kind comment, I am a music teacher/Singer so a lot of poetry, for me, it does have a beat or flow, I do write freeform but that tends to be whims or serendipitous inspiration most times ... I appreciate the read and the comment, big smile Regards Jayne x x :)

Ink Dragon

16 years 10 months ago

Jayne,

your flow is awesome here. I admire your ability to write so smoothly. Stanzas 2 and 3 are perfect, I think, and I love "drifting velvet gleams". Please do correct the odd (typo) and reconsider one of your [word choices]. If I could take the weight that burdens your mind I’d (bundle) it up and send them through time - Freeing from (earth's) pull flying winds of right pain is just a memory a spirit does excite Memories have erased as divined to be but living deep in [soul]-> already used in stanza 3 (effectfully, I think) wells of love for ->? for who? Yours, ~Nina

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Nina (hug) Ty

I have done a couple of edits noticing things I missed, and then you picked up I left the last word off in the edits and more mistakes LOL no more edits tired ... Thank you I am so tired this week, but have fixed it now I think fingers crossed ... glad you liked the flow in this it was a good write that came from nowhere just needed a tidy up ... much love and hugz Jayne x x (hugs for the help much appreciated)

Candlewitch

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Jayne

You have such an exquisitely beautiful mind. And it is reflected by your poetry. I can't pick a favorite stanza as I loved them all. Love, Cat

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Dearest Cat

Thank you for your wonderful comment *blush* it aint always so beautiful lol ... (hug) I dont know what I would do if you werent around lol lost probably ? much love and hugz Jayne x x

Sourav

16 years 10 months ago

Hi… I’m very new here in

Hi... I'm very new here in this site. So you don't know me! :) I've read this poem of yours and must admit your poems are amazing. I loved the flow and the language of this poem very much! Awesome write!

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Sourav

Welcome to the site :D !!! ... So happy you enjoyed my scribbles ... I have only been at neopoet four months myself but am loving every minute of it ... And I am sure you will love it as well ... If you have any problems or need help dont hesitate to ask I am usually floating about at different times of the day ... thank you so much for your comment and the read ... Will go and have a read of you later tonight ... take care Regards Jayne :)

Geezer

16 years 10 months ago

Sunshine is ......

Sunshine is good for the soul, and you seem to spread it everywhere. I would bundle [the words] up, and send them through time. Glad you are enjoying the sun, stay out of the wind. L & Hugz, Gee.

Seren

16 years 10 months ago

Sunshine on your shoulder LOL

makes the world so much easier to take in my opinion ... I lived in darkness for a long time Gee and refuse to be that miserable person anymore LOL sometimes I slip but always try and write myself into a good mood ... Much Love and Hugz Jayne x x