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Jul 26, 2009
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A Dream
I was driving, you see
o'er roads quite winding
covered with many a tree
and something blinding
Like octopus ink
blocking out my view
my heart began to sink
in fear of not returning to you
Running then was I
across dew-laden grass
though forwards took from tide to tide
running backwards was quite fast
But when I turned around then
to try to run straight
Something pulled me down again
like an iron-clad weight
A final attempt at last
to make good my escape
I fail at my task
which haunts me 'til I wake
------------------------------------------------------------------
Written about a dream I had experienced last night. I was driving, but there was a black cloud in front of my eyes, and I couldn't see clearly. Then I was running, and when I ran facing forwards, I wasn't getting anywhere, but when I ran backwards, I went fast.
It was quite strange and confusing, and so was the sequence of events - which is why I kept the rhyme scheme to a simple ABAB.
28/7 - revisions - restructured the fourth stanza, as it was problematic. Hopefully the flow and logic areas have been taken care of. Also switched in -> at in reference to the task. Additionally, upon re-read, I felt that 'like an octopus's ink' was too wordy, and that 'like octopus ink' was sufficient. I thank you all again for your revision suggestions - let me know if everything is good now.
o'er roads quite winding
covered with many a tree
and something blinding
Like octopus ink
blocking out my view
my heart began to sink
in fear of not returning to you
Running then was I
across dew-laden grass
though forwards took from tide to tide
running backwards was quite fast
But when I turned around then
to try to run straight
Something pulled me down again
like an iron-clad weight
A final attempt at last
to make good my escape
I fail at my task
which haunts me 'til I wake
------------------------------------------------------------------
Written about a dream I had experienced last night. I was driving, but there was a black cloud in front of my eyes, and I couldn't see clearly. Then I was running, and when I ran facing forwards, I wasn't getting anywhere, but when I ran backwards, I went fast.
It was quite strange and confusing, and so was the sequence of events - which is why I kept the rhyme scheme to a simple ABAB.
28/7 - revisions - restructured the fourth stanza, as it was problematic. Hopefully the flow and logic areas have been taken care of. Also switched in -> at in reference to the task. Additionally, upon re-read, I felt that 'like an octopus's ink' was too wordy, and that 'like octopus ink' was sufficient. I thank you all again for your revision suggestions - let me know if everything is good now.
— infinite_dwarf, Jul 26, 2009
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Critiques
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
It's almost recurring
Eduardo Cruz
16 years 10 months ago
Jess,
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
Mmm, no, you're right
Candlewitch
16 years 10 months ago
I agree
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
LOL
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
Theo
W.C.Wampler
16 years 10 months ago
...dream... poem
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
Hi WC!
Seren
16 years 10 months ago
Jess
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
LOL
Lightman Georg…
16 years 10 months ago
dream
infinite_dwarf
16 years 10 months ago
Thanks, George!
Electric Blue
16 years 9 months ago
dream
Electric Blue
16 years 9 months ago
dream
sakkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
16 years 9 months ago
Your dream