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Lone Mortality (eddy styx) reworked

"Lone Mortality"

arrogant dark Rooks cawing

from their shadowy haven

come to me unbidden

black-cloaked in shiny silken death

I pick up the trail of blood

carried fresh on the

intermittent nocturnal breeze

for one brief moment I am

powerless beneath fevered shadows

I am prone and pinned

To secret prophecies..
.
intolerable and unforgiving!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
Another poem to be included in the publishing of "Book of Styx II" This is a polished draft awaiting ideas and suggestions before submission. Thank you in advance. eddy styx is my male alter ego.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Love this one Cat!!

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this piece.

always eddy,(& Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I will keep that in mind. Rottie's got it right in her assessment. Thanks always for being here!

always eddy, (&Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I taken the shiny to mean the glean off their smooth feathers and the shadowy, the hidden perch amongst the night time tree limbs. As it approaches the moon shines on the oil sleeked body. Hope I am close, nice piece.

Rottie
Pegasus was a genius,
living within a suit of difference.
He liked what he was,
nodded in respect and
simply flew . . . away.

By: K. Mulroney

" I am who I am, say what I say, do what I do. With no apology."

You are correct on all counts! Thank you!

always eddy, (&Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

I love the spare use of words, just enough to convey a very sinister and deeply atmospheric piece.

Love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Glad you enjoyed this one.

always eddy, (&Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

in general, I like everything about this one, form, structure, theme, all are good,
but it lacks the delicate ferocity that epitomizes Eddy, to me. It seems unemotional for some reason that I can't quite put my finger on, with nothing under the surface tension, where Mr. Styx's emotional boil always seems to be gently roiling, ready to explode with that calculated violence of his that seems so casual and frightening.
I think perhaps because this is more of a descriptive piece than exploratory of Eddy's demons and gleeful appetite for murder?
It just doesn't make the hairs on the back of my neck stand up they way they usually do when I read eddy's words. Maybe its just me.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

You are right. This is a descriptive piece, from eddy's point of view looking out at the night shrouded avenue. I see what you mean and appreciate your honesty. Maybe I will add more on to this... It is definitely worth considering. Thanks again!

always,eddy(& Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

it is alex machette. And he would take eddy out with words! Or, if need be, a machette.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

First of all, nice to meet Mr. Alex Machete! I don't know which I fear more, the cutting words, or the bad-assed blade. LOL! Thanks for reading! When will I get to read something written by Alex M.?

always, eddy (& Cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

just look at some of my nastier poems, I don't sign them Alex.
Oh, but mostly not re-posted here from the old site.
I might write one for Eddie, although didn't we do that before once?
A collaboration could produce some truly disturbing results!
[myah ah aaah!]

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

I would love to do a co-write with you. I'd rather you took the lead and I will follow you.

always, eddy (& cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

as a dialogue. That would be interesting indeed!

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Yes, this is a more reflective piece. From a quiet and pensive mood. Thanks for reading and commenting. Your thoughts are always welcome here.

always, eddy (& cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Thank you! There may be more... I don't know. Maybe a short story. But it won't be anytime soon,as I'm still not quite up to snuff. Not my old self yet. But I will surely keep it in mind as a distinct possibility. Thank you for your continued support.

always, eddy (& cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment

Oh so so subtle the haven and the 'raven' the black and the silk
the 'red' and blood, fresh and 'flesh' so many such allusions
that pick the sensitive parts and bring one a feverous sweat.

I liked this little brittle spittle of darkness.

Ann.

Not sure what the 'delicate ferocity' was meaning from the comment above.
It needed no more than it has for me.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Thank you. It is appreciated.

always, eddy (& cat)

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

author comment
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