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Once Upon a Dream: Part 2
You lean against your car
As I stand in front of you
Eyes locked on eyes
It's time to say goodbye
"Goodnight" I whisper as
I turn to walk away
"Wait" you whisper back
As you walk towards me
I turn back around to see you
Standing there
You grab my arm
And pull me in for a hug
Soft and gentle
Your touch lingered on my arm
Letting me go as slowly as possible
Just like my dream...
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
This is part 2 of my poem "Once Upon a Dream"
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Sat, 2023-12-16 05:40
Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2023-12-16 05:52
Dear Kristen,
In reading your poem, I found these lines clumsy:
Eyes locked on eyes
It's time to say goodbye
try something like:
Our eyes intensely locked
Only time for our goodbyes
*Hugs, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
Kristen H.
Sat, 2023-12-16 20:42
Beautiful substitution
Thanks for the feedback and recommendation, Candlewitch! I'll play around with the wording some and edit it when it's ready!