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rot

Submitted by CCfire on Sat, 2011-04-16 17:42

if i were there
i would tell you

winter is facing up
to its past mistakes

no rain
turned to
damp meadows with
muddied hooves

if you were here
you would say

i've never lived
a discontented season
but you are not shakespeare
and i am not grieving

a death i did not feel

past mistakes find themselves
buried like tall oaks
we can chop them down
but the roots live

rotting where we cannot see them

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
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Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

CCfire

Sun, 2011-04-17 05:04

CCfire's picture

Perhaps 'rot' would be a better thought, thanks for that idea. :)

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

CCfire

Sun, 2011-04-17 06:47

CCfire's picture

I was contemplating 'root rot' lol but thought better of it

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

scribbler

Sun, 2011-04-17 09:24

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Ever notice I write Hmmmm.... To make it seem like I'm really thinking lmao. In absence of real thought, the last two lines read as contradiction to me.The roots either are alive or rotting. Maybe change live to remain would be an idea to consider.....................scribbler

CCfire

Mon, 2011-04-18 03:32

CCfire's picture

Thanks I kind of like it that way too. I hadn't really considered changing that part.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment
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