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I'm Having an Affair
with Mary.
I was seduced
in Barnes & Noble,
lured to the poetry section
next to coffee and pastries.
I touched her Blue Iris,
fondled her Red Bird
and recounted why
she wakes to watch
the early sunrise.
She looked better than I remembered
in a brown jacket
with a striking
emblem of a bear
on the front.
She took me to her tent
near Truro
and told me of turtles, toads,
hermit crabs,
and her fear
of ridding her garden
a small harmless snake.
I spill my passion
on the ground — our bed for now — beside her.
Under her cover
she shares phrases,
moles, verbs,
and curves
of sweet new perceptions.
We are intimate beyond belief.
Her verbal kisses
bring sweat to my palms.
I’m high, hallucinating
on Mary
my drug of choice.
I’m having an affair
with Mary Oliver.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
Written a couple of years ago and may have been posted here in Old Neo. Comments and suggestions appreciated.
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eduardo Cruz
Thu, 2011-04-14 17:07
vex
it's always so nice that the written word or rather how someone narrates a story captures and moves us in a deep profound way. In your telling of this one, you have captured my attention. I can see what you see through your beautiful narration. Your title is apropos.
Eddie C.
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
vexations10
Sat, 2011-04-16 08:47
Appreciation
seems like an unfulfilling word to say thanks for your comments. Bill
vexations
author commentPsyve
Thu, 2011-04-14 17:22
Vex
Nicely done : the comparative imagery of the "affair", albeit one that turns out to be purely of a cerebral nature, is cleverly done.
The last line puts a different meaning to this affair...
I enjoyed the read.
Psyve
vexations10
Sat, 2011-04-16 08:49
Sorry to be back
so late to let you know how much I appreciate your reading this poem and commenting.
vexations
author commentCCfire
Thu, 2011-04-14 22:17
Cleverly draws the reader in
Cleverly draws the reader in until at the end we find just what type of 'affair' you meant. I smiled through the majority of it as I suspected a twist but you pulled it off nicely here.
Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche
vexations10
Fri, 2011-04-15 16:27
Thanks
Your fine comment really pleases me.
vexations
author commentscribbler
Sat, 2011-04-16 11:51
hello
read this just after you posted it. Something seemed a bit off, so I avoided commenting until I figured out what it was. Well.......it finally penetrated my thick skull lol. I realize you are using the title as the true 1st line of your poem. But I would encourage you to try using it as just the title, then deleting the 1st line"With Mary" and see what you think of result...................stan PS almost forgot to say I like the poem and its message of the power of intellectual love
vexations10
Sat, 2011-04-16 16:01
Thanks
I appreciate your suggestion but think I will leave it. Using the first line as the title is a common practice, especially in free style. I am thinking that I could delete with Mary.....thinking about it.
vexations
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