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Love Letter #38

Submitted by CCfire on Mon, 2011-04-04 23:05

our luck was used up Dad
we were engulfed with
obvious things, with life,
rage, love and uncertainty

your long battle
made you weary,
i refused to let you be
you forgot how to fight

i never wrote this
when you died,
at ten; childish
too hard to understand
gravities of life

before i stiffen and join you
wherever that is
you'd be annoyed,
i smoke, drink,
generally carouse
and i am not at all like you

it's not your fault
i allowed it to be

tonight
i waved away
the last star
before it fell

thinking
i should have said
'get the hell out while you can'

unlike most childhoods
mine had you

the heart sits on
broken fences, alone,
waiting

i grew up with
realization
you would not be back

i write amateur poetry
and now you're a part of it

if i have fifteen minutes of fame
then

so should you

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Last few words: 
To my Dad, one of a series of 100
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

lou

Thu, 2011-04-07 13:50

lou's picture

I like the idea of a love letter written to parent, I especially enjoyed stanza 4. The only thing I would say though, it is a little like a list of ideas, I feel it needs tightening up a little. Maybe you could say more about how it felt when you were a child.

Feel free to ignore my suggestions if you don't like them.

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

magics02

Tue, 2011-04-05 09:13

I would like to come back to this one CC and give it another read as it also entered to me the thoughts as my dad now is not so well and it is the hardest thing I ever went through in my life. Blessings to you and will be reading more of you. Nice to meet you also

Regards
Mona

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-05 21:34

CCfire's picture

Nice to meet you too Mona, it's always been a time in my life I regret with family thinking I was too young to go to the funeral, I know times change and now it's more acceptable for children to say goodbye but I never got that chance. He was not only my Dad but my best friend *hugs*

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

magics02

Tue, 2011-04-05 22:21

You can still give Dad that hug from whereever you are CC. Your poem touched me in many ways and I know just what you mean about Dad being your best friend..

Blessings of Love to you gal
Mona

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-05 21:36

CCfire's picture

Thanks for the little pick up, I didn't see that when I read it back..it is always hard to write about someone who's passed on because you know you will never be able to show them but somehow I think he'd know. *hugs*

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

scribbler

Tue, 2011-04-05 21:44

Volunteer badge

I have yet to be able to write of my fathers death. I can picture your dad looking over your shoulder as you wrote this tribute. The only thing I'd change is the title as using a mere number seems a bit cold for such a write in my opinion.............scribbler

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-05 21:51

CCfire's picture

The entire series which I am editing is 100 love letters so I didn't want the titles to have any obvious nature to them, some people they are written to are still around lol..so I kept them numbered, I don't think when they are or If they are published will have titles at all, they will all be done just as letters.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

Nordic cloud

Tue, 2011-04-26 11:10

Nordic cloud's picture

A lovely little tête-à-tête with your father here.

Love Ann

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-26 17:20

CCfire's picture

Thanks Ann, he was my best friend and was not long enough as I lost him when I was 10

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment

raj

Tue, 2011-04-26 13:56

poetry like this which comes straight from the heart needs no comment..i will tell you though it moistened my eyes..

raj (sublime_ocean)

CCfire

Tue, 2011-04-26 17:21

CCfire's picture

Thank you Raj I appreciate those kind words.

Chez
"The perfect woman perpetrates literature as she does a small sin: as an experiment, in passing, to see if anybody notices it - and to makes sure that somebody does." - Nietzsche

author comment
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