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HEY, LOOK AT ME!!!

Submitted by Candlewitch on Sat, 2022-02-26 11:10

aren't I pretty as can be
my hair my teeth my face,
a smile sent from me is
good as an embrace!

my eyes are like pools
of stars in moonlight.
my voice is like a bell
ringing out through the night.

aren't I just the loveliest one
my body curvy and graceful,
I accentuate with clothing
I'm said to be most tasteful.

talk about my mouth which
is busy most of the time.
even if you don't,
at least I think I'm sublime!

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Geezer

Sat, 2022-02-26 17:50

Geezer's picture
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I'm laughing so hard, I almost fell off my chair!
I just finished looking at some pictures on Facebook,
where these girls are pouting and posing with their fancy nails
and clothes. They have many a man sending adulation and then they say
"Get a life, I don't want your advances!" I'm laughing out loud and then
your poem pops up here on Neo. I'm not taking your poem serious
as you can see, and I'm sure that you are being sarcastic!

Your title is good, the language use is good and is readily understandable.
Your rhythm is pretty good with only a minor stutter or two.
Line three, could use another single syllable word. [Maybe; 'A smile [sent ] from me is"

Humorous, to say the least! ~ Geez.
.

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2022-02-27 11:03

Candlewitch's picture
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yes!!! sarcastic!!! you get me...I knew you would! I'm so glad that I could make you laugh. it does my heart good!

*hug, Cat

*
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