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You
Our child makes you immortal,
I see in him your smile,
as through this very portal
strangely you beguile.
You animate my being,
because you give to me,
a soaring and a freeing
of life with liberty.
Editing stage:
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Comments
jane210660
Wed, 2016-05-11 11:45
A beautiful tribute to your
A beautiful tribute to your love.
I realise I haven't been very critical, but I can't see how you would change it to make it better. To me, it captures the sentiment of deep love. Jx
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Rula
Wed, 2016-05-11 12:33
I got to agree with Jane
this is awesome Mr. Logan.
the second stanza, I don't think you need the comma at the end of the line two as the thought completes in the third and forth lines unless I am missing something.
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Keith Logan
Wed, 2016-05-11 12:54
Quite Correct
Thank you, I can certainly do with a proof reader.
Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines
lovedly
Wed, 2016-05-11 13:41
lovely poetry
This world is a sad place
with so many poor
and
living below the poverty line
even in richer countries
you find many without shelters
the state allocates some dough
and
many more helpless grow
to add on to the woe
in misery they all glow