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RUNNING TALLY
It's hard to be someone who cares
best to have a heart of stone
for those who love hurt too deeply
each time they're left behind alone
There've been too many gone before
and each one took a part of me
some times I feel I'm just a shell
of the whole person I used to be
'Till now I look around and see
dwindling numbers of the ones I love
how many more must I out live
and be left mourning like a dove?
Late at night when sleep won't come
I think of all the ones I've lost
then try to choke back a few tears
when I tally up the cost
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Ian.T
Thu, 2012-07-05 03:41
Stan,
Just know how you feel with this one as I have lost 9 of my close family or friends over the last 2 years,
A write I feel needs just a little more, it was a fraction below your normal impact, the dove seemed an out word, but that is just me.
Otherwise damn good theme and nearly up there with your others,
Yours Ian.T
.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..
scribbler
Thu, 2012-07-05 07:12
Hi Ian
It Does seem that the losses come in bunches doesn't it? I have another stanza for the end but it isn't quite right . I'll keep tinkering with this one...............stan
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