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WILLIAM'S SIN
William must have done great wrong
and in many generations past
for it to be recalled so long
I guess that he is now typecast
For now even in these days
(or maybe I should say these nights)
underneath the spring moon's gaze
aggrieved offspring still state their rights
What did he do to some bird then
that in the night when all is still
offspring demand redress of sin
by asking that we Whip Poor Will?
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words:
I changed title when it dawned on me that there was a Willy on site. Didn't want title to appear to be targeting anyone lol
Editing stage:
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Comments
Candlewitch
Wed, 2012-03-28 14:11
Dear Stan,
You really had me going there... until the last line! Great humor!
No suggestions, just appreciation for the write.
always, Cat
*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.
scribbler
Wed, 2012-03-28 18:31
Hi Cat
I was about ready to delete this for lack of interest lol. I'm glad to bring you a smile............stan
loved
Wed, 2012-03-28 14:15
Would you like to change the name to
someone else's
another
who says fucks
and doesn't bother...
loved
scribbler
Wed, 2012-03-28 18:32
hi loved
Afraid the whippoorwill's name pretty much dictates the title lol...........stan
loved
Wed, 2012-03-28 22:57
At times
ignorance ,
is bliss...
loved
scribbler
Wed, 2012-03-28 23:31
Hmmm.....
Perhaps my new pen name should be bisssman lol
loved
Wed, 2012-03-28 23:46
Hello Mr
new
Blissman
nice name yours
loved
judyanne
Wed, 2012-03-28 23:53
lol
and we hear 'fire at will', too, in all those war movies
fun stan
love judy
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
scribbler
Thu, 2012-03-29 19:25
Hi stranger!
I thought you'd forgotten all of us lol. I'm pleased you got a chuckle from this...........stan