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Angel Of The Night
Seeking refuge
In your gazing eyes
Your sweet lips
Keep a smile on
Sad faces
Angel that fled from heaven
To ease broken spirits
Stay with me till first light
For your presence
Brings spring flowers
On a winter day
Ah, how your smile echoes
In my darkest hours
Your smile defeats Hades
Your every word flows
Like Shakespearean sonnets
Such a woman as you
Deserves to be showered
With eternal passion
From Aphrodite’s temple
The one who brings you to tears
Shall be fed to merciless beasts
For a tear from your eyes
Is a crime punishable by death
Darling, you whisper of joy
To a world bathed in sorrow
For this you are a goddess
Blessed be the one
That is touched
By your finger tips
Oh angel of the night
Comments
Race_9togo
Tue, 2010-11-23 22:14
Hi Paul
This is good, sweet and heady stuff. I like very much.
Two small things
1st stanza, should "Keeps" be "Keep", since "lips" are plural?
and
4th stanza, "Such a woman" sounds too passive to me, in a poem where all other references are specifically about a particular woman.
"Such women as you"? "Such a woman as you"?
You leave no doubt as to your feelings. Great stuff.
Respectfully, Race
"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo
http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo
Apostolos "Paul...
Wed, 2010-11-24 00:03
Jimt
thx for your help
Apostolos "Paul...
Tue, 2010-11-23 23:08
thank you
for your words
Apostolos "Paul...
Wed, 2010-11-24 01:27
oh thanks
for your words
mand
Wed, 2010-11-24 02:48
Beautiful words
I enjoyed reading this delightful poem.
very well done.
Love Mand xxxxx
Apostolos "Paul...
Wed, 2010-11-24 03:16
thank you
for your words
weirdelf
Wed, 2011-02-02 00:04
I feel honoured to have witnessed your growth as a poet.
There is such a maturity of expression here, a deft touch with the allegory, I suspect that many would not even suspect it is allegorical (which may or may not be a problem, up to you) and skilled use of imagery.
Only one line gives me a little trouble.
Like Shakespearean sonnets
Much as I adore the bard I wonder if another classic Greek reference might work better in context or a visual or aural image. The words sussuration and spring spring to mind.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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Apostolos "Paul...
Wed, 2011-02-02 05:33
coming from you
speaks volumes Sir thank you for your time
Blue_Halcyon
Wed, 2011-02-02 18:48
**POKES ZEUS WITH HER SPEAR**
Excellent poem Zeus! Glad to see you writing again. :-D Keep up the good work - will be looking forward to reading more.
It is such a secret place, the land of tears. ~Antoine de Saint-Exupéry