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Primal
Meet me forever
where loves intertwine
My ever full cup
Keeps me drunk on your wine
Clouds roll exposing
Pale light of your moon
Now I’m shapeshifting
My senses in tune
I smell and I taste
Your breath on the air
Quiet and confident
Lacking in fear
Query now sight locked
I’m in for the kill
So long until next time
My cup needs a fill
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Fri, 2022-11-04 13:07
Primal
Hi, Tim,
I am not fully certain of the intent of the poem, but it absolutely feels primal. I am intrigued!
L
Rosewood Apothecary
Fri, 2022-11-04 13:42
Think sexual attraction
But like the song “Hungry Like the Wolf.”
Lavender
Fri, 2022-11-04 17:50
Yes!
That's primal! I especially like using "shapeshifing." It adds to the imagination. A wild final line.
L
RoseBlack
Fri, 2022-11-04 18:00
The element of raw attraction
Such a pure, often impulsive emotion. Another fantastic write.
~RoseBlack~
Geezer
Sat, 2022-11-05 11:35
I thought of...
the shapeshifting as tuning your senses to the right mood, like a mating pair, instead of wild impulsive ravaging. Unless of course, that is the nature of the beast. Interesting thoughts! Your title brought me in, the pace was fast, and the theme intriguing! ~ Geez.
.
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Candlewitch
Sat, 2022-11-05 14:48
dear Tim,
I hear the melody of a love song within your lines. very colorful language stirs the imagination. I would dearly love to hear the resulting effort of creative energy.
*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy
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