Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

MASKING'S REASON

I finally got the mower fixed
and with effort get off of the ground.
Those new knee's scars are still tender.
Too many years follow me around.

I straighten up, my shoulder hurts,
degenerating vertebrae you see,
which pinch on my spinal cord.
a broken old man, yep that's me.

With an old man's gait I leave the shop
up toward the house, it's near lunch time.
With head turned down I think of youth,
how I spent it like the merest dime.

I turn the corner. There she sits
Slowly rocking in the chair
eyes closed on the old front porch.
For a moment I just stand and stare.

My eyes see a sweet young woman
vibrant and untouched by age.
I stiffen back. undo my slump
and try to escape age's cage.

I can't let her see the real me
or at least I try not to.
Then I take a longer stride or two
and holler out "Hey! how are you?"

She stops mid rock ,opens green eyes
then gives me that loving smile.
With such a smile and that look
I might fool her yet, maybe a while.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'm a dirty old man too. There should be a "dirty old man" genre.
I'd consider a bit more humor or irony, not sure the end justifies the means. I would tie it all to the old mower repair (so you become the mower symbolically)
Also the first image of her is that of an old woman, rocking on the porch, feels like she's snoring...
If it's a young woman, put her on an exercise bike or doing yoga. Also you seem to be at a distance from the porch and could not really see her eye color.
That smile and look is doing something to you...hit that spot to end the poem.
.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Apparently i failed to convey the protagonist and his wife are about the same age but the old man Still sees her as a young woman whose eye color he's known for years. But I appreciate the feedback because it shows that what I figured the reader would tame for granted needs to be explained in the poem

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.