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Time's Oblivion
Today is someone's
birthday
a gift of a poem
of his today
Glory and Grief
are relatives
Two of my poetry fans
and mentors
passed away in sleep
but I don't weep
Glory and Gory
have short lives only
I too will
a part of history be
Soon
fading
Until such time
Abide with me
Editing stage:
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Comments
tyro
Fri, 2019-05-17 09:58
First, I think the title is
First, I think the title is marvelous. In the beginning, when told of friends passing away, I thought of time as obliterating all. But later in the poem I came to a different idea, as both the memories of, and the statement of being a part of history, are beyond the confines of time, given to a single life.
I thing the poem is beautiful and well put together. A couple of suggestions, on the last line of the first stanza think about 'is' as an alternative to 'of'
Maybe,
"glory and gory
have short lives only" should be a stanza on their own, the same as
"Glory and Grief
are relatives" is a stanza on its own.
the ending,
"soonly
fadingly
till such time
Abide with me" was both soothing and evocative.
what can I say, I thing it's beautiful.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
lovedly
Sun, 2019-05-19 12:17
Thank you ma'am T
What an honour you give me
Geezer
Fri, 2019-05-17 13:34
I would give up...
the [ly] on both soon and fading, it seems rather like affecting an Old English connotation, when the rest of the work does not. I see merit in the way that tyro has set up your poem. If I may?
Today is someone's
birthday
a gift of a poem
of his today
Glory and Grief
are relatives
Two of my poetry fans
and mentors
passed away in sleep
but I don't weep
Glory and Gory
have short lives only
I too will
a part of history be
Soon
fading
Until such time
abide with me
Yes, we all must pass on from this world and hopefully, some will remember us. Nice work, ~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
ImageWeaver
Sat, 2019-05-18 06:38
Greetings
What can I say. ... I like it, just like is. It spoke to me. Nicely penned.
lovedly
Fri, 2019-05-31 19:31
oh
I W
NOW as I
have lost my laps top
suffering from dementia
no not I my lapssy
you can as and when
read me as loved one
thanks nice knowing you
gregwa8
Sat, 2019-05-18 23:55
I'm sorry for your loss,
I'm sorry for your loss, lovedly. this is a sweet poem. gory and glory. I agree with tyro, "till such time, abide with me," was a nice way to welcome your reader into your world.
lovedly
Mon, 2019-05-20 21:52
thanks a lot
Gregwa 8
another one is being posted tomorrow u will like it
my true poems are my best ones
scribbler
Sun, 2019-05-19 15:59
Hi loved
I'm getting too lazy to put the ly on the end lol. I liked this one. the message of glory and life both being fleeting is clear. It takes older folks like you and I to realize that a half century can pass in a blink.......stan
lovedly
Sun, 2019-05-19 17:53
High Stan
why should I ly
I was remembering you to say
why ly
so I have removed it
oldies we two
must respect each one
as we two
since decades do
My last dawn
is not yet born
so here I go to remove the
ly
don't yet say goodbye
I shall live
yet quite a while
in my imitable style
Geezer
Sun, 2019-05-19 20:11
Damn...
This is one of your best! Your brilliance precedes you!
~ Gee.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
lovedly
Mon, 2019-05-20 13:19
and your appreciation
garlands
tyro
Mon, 2019-05-20 14:24
Hi Lovedly
Hi Lovedly
I stop by again. I think, firstly (notice my ly) it is the deep feeling which carries this poem, coupled by the introspection which it generates. What takes me most is the clarity, and continuity. I like this style in you.
T
The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight
lovedly
Tue, 2019-05-21 23:45
thanks------- loved ly
could not try to keep the ly
and u know why
ask Gee
lovedly
Fri, 2019-05-31 19:33
HIGH ALL NEOS
Damn...
This is one of your best! Your brilliance precedes you!
~ Gee.
.comment on
TIMES OBLIVION