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Time's Oblivion

Today is someone's
birthday
a gift of a poem
of his today

Glory and Grief
are relatives

Two of my poetry fans
and mentors
passed away in sleep
but I don't weep

Glory and Gory
have short lives only
I too will
a part of history be

Soon
fading
Until such time
Abide with me

Editing stage: 

Comments

First, I think the title is marvelous. In the beginning, when told of friends passing away, I thought of time as obliterating all. But later in the poem I came to a different idea, as both the memories of, and the statement of being a part of history, are beyond the confines of time, given to a single life.

I thing the poem is beautiful and well put together. A couple of suggestions, on the last line of the first stanza think about 'is' as an alternative to 'of'
Maybe,
"glory and gory
have short lives only" should be a stanza on their own, the same as
"Glory and Grief
are relatives" is a stanza on its own.

the ending,
"soonly
fadingly
till such time
Abide with me" was both soothing and evocative.

what can I say, I thing it's beautiful.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

What an honour you give me

author comment

the [ly] on both soon and fading, it seems rather like affecting an Old English connotation, when the rest of the work does not. I see merit in the way that tyro has set up your poem. If I may?

Today is someone's
birthday
a gift of a poem
of his today

Glory and Grief
are relatives

Two of my poetry fans
and mentors
passed away in sleep
but I don't weep

Glory and Gory
have short lives only
I too will
a part of history be

Soon
fading
Until such time
abide with me

Yes, we all must pass on from this world and hopefully, some will remember us. Nice work, ~ Gee.
.

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Critique or comment today!

What can I say. ... I like it, just like is. It spoke to me. Nicely penned.

I W
NOW as I
have lost my laps top
suffering from dementia
no not I my lapssy
you can as and when
read me as loved one
thanks nice knowing you

author comment

I'm sorry for your loss, lovedly. this is a sweet poem. gory and glory. I agree with tyro, "till such time, abide with me," was a nice way to welcome your reader into your world.

Gregwa 8

another one is being posted tomorrow u will like it

my true poems are my best ones

author comment

I'm getting too lazy to put the ly on the end lol. I liked this one. the message of glory and life both being fleeting is clear. It takes older folks like you and I to realize that a half century can pass in a blink.......stan

why should I ly
I was remembering you to say
why ly
so I have removed it
oldies we two
must respect each one
as we two
since decades do
My last dawn
is not yet born

so here I go to remove the
ly
don't yet say goodbye
I shall live
yet quite a while
in my imitable style

author comment

This is one of your best! Your brilliance precedes you!
~ Gee.
.

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Critique or comment today!

garlands

author comment

Hi Lovedly
I stop by again. I think, firstly (notice my ly) it is the deep feeling which carries this poem, coupled by the introspection which it generates. What takes me most is the clarity, and continuity. I like this style in you.

T

The most powerful reaction
of mind on mind
is transference of sight

could not try to keep the ly

and u know why
ask Gee

author comment

Damn...
This is one of your best! Your brilliance precedes you!
~ Gee.
.comment on
TIMES OBLIVION

author comment
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