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Heatwave

Waiting on the day to finally end
Dragging its heels like a cranky child
As we’re cooking, sitting in the smothering sun
Heat on our backs like a dragon’s yawn
Glare roasting our newly born eyes
Shoulders already crowning scarlet
Shaded meekly behind wilting umbrellas
Or palms turned up in surrender
Dreaming of the water, salt and the viscous scent of sunscreen
Gripped by entropic lethargy
Deep in our season of discomfort
Hair catching, make up running, skewed in disarray
Abandoning the hounds of glamour for fox survival
Blistered feet in those new Choos
Exhaustion frying nerves always
Watching for fire
Watching for fire
Dry as salted caramel sand baking toes and heels
Molten metal branding fingers
And every song mocking us, praising tropical comfort
Serenading life under the stars
Blissful ignorance of everyday charring
Demented, paying for our inherited sins...
Red Centre haunting urban wonderlands
Restlessness circling us like a wild dog
Rest flies off, sleep is in the wind
Only the cold blooded belly dwellers cheer for the burn of it
While we, we smell the smoke
Waiting on the day to finally end
Dragging us with it into the soup of our summer night
Evermore dizzily this side of the equator
Life in sweat, in the halo bursts of migraine visionaries
Enduring it with sardonic contemplation
Our everyday Southern land heatwave
In the sprawling, abandoned
Sleep stained slick of our
Summertime

Last few words: 
I’m a little unsure about the ending. And I would really like advice choosing titles. I know some of mine are incredibly lame and last minute.
Editing stage: 

Comments

A heartfelt Welcome to Neopoet, I think this is good but with some work it could be incredible. I am going to make some suggestions, I see so much potential in this. But I will only post if you agree. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

I like the ending.
An alternative title could be "Aussie Summer" but "Heatwave" is fine, or maybe even "Summer is Heat" or "Hey,It's Fucking Hot, Eh?"

My only suggestion is to put in a few paragraph breaks. The 'wall of words' is a bit daunting and it doesn't have the lyricism to carry it right through.

Your wordcrafting is superb, I'm doing a reading on SoundCloud-
https://soundcloud.com/neopoet/heatwave-by-deidrejoy

May I have your permission to post it on our Neopoet Facebook page?

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

oh, if you have images or videos you would like to add I can do that easy-peasy.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

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