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White Whispers
after a week
of overcast weather
dark and brooding
like a pensive man
in thought
the blue sky
is a giddy revelation
with boisterous clouds
that no longer hold
melancholy
rain
it is God's optimistic
skywriting
white whispers
of better days
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I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Rula
Wed, 2018-09-19 02:17
Wow
and what a perfect ending!
Just a small suggestion, I would have reconsidered the line breaks. This is how I read it. The last call is always yours indeed
after a week
of overcast weather
dark and brooding
like a pensive man
in thought
the blue sky
is a giddy revelation
with boisterous clouds
that no longer hold
melancholy
rain
it is God's optimistic
skywriting
white whispers
of better days
❤❤❤❤❤❤
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gregwa8
Wed, 2018-09-19 23:32
thank you, Rula! and for the
thank you, Rula! and for the suggestions.
raj
Wed, 2018-09-19 04:52
Hi Greg
good expression in simplistic form...good poetic vision...
..........................................................................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-09-19 23:32
thank you raj
thank you raj
scribbler
Wed, 2018-09-19 06:58
Hi
Most excellent ....'nuff said
gregwa8
Wed, 2018-09-19 23:32
thank you!
thank you!