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Using Gravity To Climb

Submitted by gregwa8 on Thu, 2018-05-10 02:47

The thing we need
to know
about highs
and lows

is the law of gravity.

Although tv
or an active
imagination
try to convince us

that
spiders
or sharks
or serial killers
are what's gonna kill us,

the statistics say
it's much more likely
to be a big
fall.

Considering
the earth's terrain
and our precarious
emotional landscapes,

we shouldn't
be surprised
at the dangers
of not knowing
what lies ahead of us.

We need the colorful
road signs,
a book
of maps,
that person
who's been there before;

we need someone
who respects
the gravity
of the situation.

There are
the mountain climbers
and parachute jumpers,
who seek the thrill,

with bold or brash
or buoyant hearts.

They seem so high,
so free.

But if we're honest,
most of us
just want to be
safe
on solid ground.

To know,
at whatever level,
the compassion
and companionship

of an experienced
climbing partner.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Falling is one of the top 25 ways to die. This poem is a play on that reality. Is it too preachy after all? Or a good metaphor for how to navigate life?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Thu, 2018-05-10 06:10

Good poem inspired by an event mentioned in the title. I liked the way you have used the word "gravity" meaning different in different situations....if i had written this poem I would have titled it "living on the edge"....since the poem talks about how vulnerable we can be...

thanks for posting
............................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

Rula

Thu, 2018-05-10 09:29

Rula's picture
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see the connection between the title, the few words and the poem, but surely got the message at the end. Not v. preachy for me at least.

Enjoyed

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OriginalRhyku

Thu, 2018-05-10 09:36

Good imagery, especially liked "the earth's terrain
and our precarious emotional landscapes,". Good lesson for the unready, underprepared and overwhelmed traveller who would be better off and alive if they took a selfie at the right time in front of the Travel Channel TV broadcast.

gregwa8

Thu, 2018-05-10 13:56

gregwa8's picture

thanks for the feedback, everyone. I made a couple changes. felt like the original title was a bit too sensational. filled it out a little bit. I enjoy your sense of humor OriginalRhyku.

author comment

IRiz

Thu, 2018-05-10 19:17

IRiz's picture
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Hi Greg,
are you a climber?
We climb for the thrill of it and by sharing insanity of the passion making friends.
Yes there is a trust between you and belaying partner but the friendship has bigger umbrella and covers more than one.

IRiz

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