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I don't want

Submitted by kowque on Wed, 2023-11-08 19:33

to taste,
The salt in my own tears.
I don't want to be here.
I dont want to be wearing black.
I dont want to bury you.
I. Just. Want. You. Back.

I will "praise" you out of that grave.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
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Comments

neopoet

Thu, 2023-11-09 01:33

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The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

It is not feasible to offer feedback on this poem.

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Leslie

Wed, 2023-11-08 20:40

Leslie's picture

I loved this simple, direct, heartfelt write. Great job!

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:10

kowque's picture

I'm finding there is a simplicity to grief.

Thank you for the feedback.

Koki

author comment

Lavender

Wed, 2023-11-08 20:47

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Yes...you've said it well.
Peace,
L

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:10

kowque's picture

Peace to you as well. Thank you

Koki

author comment

Geezer

Thu, 2023-11-09 09:28

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I thought that you really didn't need the periods at the end of the piece, but as I read the words again, I saw that they were
full sentences, all by themselves. Simple thoughts, as if one could truly resurrect the deceased by sheer will alone.
I have felt this myself; I've experienced the thought, that if I could/would concentrate hard enough... I could make it happen.
I feel your pain and am sorry for your loss. Nicely done. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

kowque

Thu, 2023-11-09 10:16

kowque's picture

Sometimes I imagine this isn't real. And I can just see her again. I wish sheer will was that powerful. Thank you for the comment.

Koki

author comment

Leslie

Thu, 2023-11-09 16:13

Leslie's picture

after pondering the additional comments, I could see the depth of
emotion and desired to stand with you at that time. This simple poem
invoked a well spring of emotion. I am sorry for your loss.

The power of our language can and will change the world.
Successively until our languages become one!

kowque

Sun, 2023-11-12 20:57

kowque's picture

I would not want you standing by my side.
My mom keeps fainting.
I keep crying.
I would not wish these moments upon you,friend.
These are not kind times.

Thank you for the thoughtful words.

Koki

author comment
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