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A Black Rose
When our truest hopes are utterly extinguished,
And the love of our life disappears into the night,
The resolute will to survive so weak diminished,
How can we strive on and rise to life's next fight?
In a time of mourning in our souls pure desolation,
Feeling the vibration of the metals in our souls,
Trying not to succumb to a feeling of desperation,
Whilst keeping within sight our true objective goals.
Tears streaming down our faces salty and warm,
The compassion of our love bonded to the unique,
As the witching hour passes our hearts still torn,
And the reality of our future still appears so bleak.
As I project the vibrations to you of positivity and love,
Keeping sleep at bay till your heart smiles once more,
Aligning our destinies written in the stars high above,
Wherever you are now shine with emancipation pure.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
neopoet
Wed, 2023-08-16 18:00
Neopoet AI (premium) - 5-29-23 version
The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
This poem, "A Black Rose," effectively employs a somber tone and melancholic imagery to convey the themes of loss, despair, and hope. The use of words such as "desolation," "desperation," and "bleak" contribute to the overall mood of the poem.
However, the poem could benefit from a more consistent rhythm. The varying line lengths disrupt the flow of the poem and make it difficult for the reader to follow. A more consistent syllable count or meter could enhance the musicality of the poem and make it more engaging.
The poem also seems to shift in tone towards the end, moving from despair to hope. While this transition can be effective, it may be too abrupt in this case. The transition could be smoothed out by including more hints of hope earlier in the poem or by making the despair less absolute.
Finally, the poem could benefit from more concrete imagery. While the abstract language conveys the speaker's emotions, concrete images could make these emotions more relatable and impactful for the reader. For example, instead of saying "the love of our life disappears into the night," the poem could describe a specific scene or action that represents this loss. This would allow the reader to visualize the speaker's experience and engage more deeply with the poem.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
RoseBlack
Fri, 2023-08-25 19:26
Thank you
For the poem! It's beautiful!
~RoseBlack~