Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Parallel Connections

The shared bliss of our pure and energetic connection,
A feeling of utter trust and sublime spiritual perfection,
Our souls united in our destinies new chosen direction,
The inquisitive and definitive pursuit of this soul affection.

United we stand upon the mountains uppermost peak,
Connected to the divinity of the inner energies so unique,
Desiring the achievement of the ambitions we seek,
And the becoming of a soul, spirit and self so complete.

As the ancestral energies echo through the sublime,
We discover our inner nature of its truest innate design,
And connecting the energies of our essence now refined,
We awaken the inner knowledge of the eternal and divine.

The rekindling the passions of the immortal inner being,
We feel the pure emotion of a new emerging cultural team,
The actualisation of an inspirationally creative artistic dream,
To discover the loving unity within an empathetic social scene.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content
Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, "Parallel Connections," demonstrates a strong understanding of rhythm and rhyme, which contributes to its overall flow. However, the use of abstract concepts such as "energies," "soul," and "divinity" could benefit from more concrete imagery to help the reader better grasp the intended message.

The poem's theme of unity and connection is clear, but the abstract language can sometimes obscure the specific meaning or emotion the poet is trying to convey. For example, in the line "Connected to the divinity of the inner energies so unique," the abstract terms "divinity" and "inner energies" could be replaced or supplemented with more tangible images or experiences to ground these concepts in reality.

The poem also tends to rely on adjectives, such as "pure," "energetic," "sublime," and "unique," to convey emotion. While these words do contribute to the poem's overall tone, they could be replaced with more specific, evocative language to create a stronger emotional impact.

Finally, the poem's structure is consistent, with each stanza containing four lines and a clear rhyme scheme. This consistency contributes to the poem's rhythm and flow, but the poet could consider varying the structure or rhythm to create contrast or emphasize certain ideas.

In summary, while "Parallel Connections" demonstrates a strong understanding of rhythm and rhyme, it could benefit from more concrete imagery and specific, evocative language to convey its themes and emotions more effectively.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

And sharing that experience with someone you hold close. No matter how many times you write on this subject, each poem has a life and uniqueness of its own. Well done.

~RoseBlack~

thank you rose

author comment

thank you rose

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.