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yuk

I've gone and stood on one of them
oh god I hate them worse than phlegm
half pulverised to mangled meat
still wriggling, though near obsolete
I stood on it I say again

I feel so sick - it's caused mayhem
I wave my arms, and count to ten
my meal just may, on me, repeat
I stood on one

I know I sound like some weak femme
but those who've done it won't condemn
I scrape my heel, to try delete
the feel of slime on naked feet
bug or slug I squished it open
I stood on one
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
rondeau
Editing stage: 

Comments

just a quick look , are you following the rhyme scheme you've mentioned in the ex?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

you had me worried there - i had to check, and yes this is aabba aabR aabbaR i am sure

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Hi judy
this is really funny . I enjoyed it all and yes you do look like a weak femm.Aren't we all in front of these "yuky" creatures?:)

And LOL , I'm still not sure of the rhyme scheme. The difference between the "M" sound and the "N" really shows. I am not sure if you can go away with-You can only because you're the work shop leader LOL

And the title calls one in -Intriguing

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

no – no favouritism allowed

but I do think the rhyme passes as the end sounding is in the ‘e’ as well and to my ear they are near rhymes – I’ll await the jury’s decision

thanks rula
I’m glad that you found it amusing
- and yes, we femmes can be pretty wussy at times like that described eh
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

I liked the technical aspect of this which I didn't see until I read the above comments
my only suggestion 'try to delete' seems to make more sense although maybe i'm missing something re scansion here
I kept thinking it was about cane toads, but then you don't have them YET!!! in WA.
best wishes
Ross

for the kind comment

and yes- it is to do with scansion regards the line you pointed out - in fact i originally wrote it the way you suggested, as it is better english i suppose, but

'try to de -lete'

'to try de -lete'

- see the difference?

and - lol - no, those gross toads are not here yet - but i believe i have heard that they are on ther way.... yuk... i lived in Cairns for a while - then Brizzie... and i hated them probably worse than slugs - but they are easier to see and circumvent i guess

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

A kindergarten child came up to me with a huge black slug on the palm of her hand saying: "Isn't he sweet!" , I looked with no expression, then had to say: "Yes." We were a Nature Kindergarten after all, and were there to teach the children to love all in nature, but......:)
Squidge- we have those brown ones here now, devouring our worms and others, multiplying at a great rate, dangerous for the earth to lose her irrigators. But I still find it difficult to tread on one, and don't! Coward. I hate killing anything.

Fun poem, love annanya

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

how you could've kept a straight face is beyond me
i can't stand any creepy-crawlies - and slugs are the worst

thanks for the read annanya
and i'm glad you enjoyed it
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

YUK !! @ slugs I have a pet snake I dont mind touching him or handling him, but you show me a frog I will run screaming through the paddocks, my brother used to torment me with frogs I am now pathalogically scared of them ..

great job well done, kudos on a yucky write

love JC xxx

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

lol - which pet snake are you talking about - do you have a real one, or are you talking about the man himself?

thanks for the read
now it's your turn to try one :)
love judd
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Very light hearted but lead footed poem. Only suggestion is to change the 'stoods" to stepped. To say you stood on one implies you stepped on it then stayed in pace. Of course it might be that you Did stay in place; no telling with you Aussies lmao.............stan

i stood on it lol - aussie i guess
we would never say i stepped on it
rotfpmsl - that is so far too posh for us
lol
love judyxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

i can say no more beau - i feel quite sick
lol
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
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