Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

you, the blank page

Submitted by Victorclaude on Fri, 2010-11-05 03:28

you, the blank page

I have seen you before.
you are the taunt to my titillation

never-ending white

I shall cover you with scrawl
until you are covered --

some of it may even be good
scrawl

underneath it all, you are still
blemishless

you, the blank page --
I do love you so

never do you complain --
even when I am vile

at anything I say
you never blink your albino eyes

quintessence of patience
you are

to be so kind to one
so unworthy of your pureness

you, the blank page

I have just done it
again

vcp

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back

Comments

Geezer

Fri, 2010-11-05 03:42

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

Nice work Vic, but here is a thought or two. i try never to use the same words in the same poem, twice.
Let alone, within the same lines, or ajacent to them, unless it has special meaning. You did that with: scrawl, and covered. Try using some other words that mean the same thing. I thought the theme was great, and hope that you take the time to smooth it out. ~ Geezer

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 04:02

Victorclaude's picture

Geezer,

I appreciate your comments, but this is the way I wrote this poem, and I put those words in their places on purpose, and they shall remain.

Thank you so much for stopping by.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

judyanne

Fri, 2010-11-05 03:51

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

another great write victor - thoughoughly enjoyed it. but that's what i now expect when i come to your place...

one tiny thing...
- you have used 'cover' and 'covered' close....
maybe 'paint' or 'coat'
or since you then say
'underneath it all, you are still
blemishless'
perhaps 'camouflage', 'conceal'

sorry, don't mean to be always nit-picking
(but you've done the same thing with 'scrawl')
only picky 'cos i like it so much...

love judy
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

judyanne

Fri, 2010-11-05 03:53

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

gee got in before me
i must've been fiddling with my comment at the same time he posted his
didn't mean to double up on the crit...
xxxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 04:05

Victorclaude's picture

No worries, Judy.

Love,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 04:04

Victorclaude's picture

Judy, my dear . . .

I like the way it reads the way it is written. Please refer to my response to Geezer.

Thank you for your continued support; it is much appreciated.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 10:23

Victorclaude's picture

Jayne, my dear friend,

Thank you so much~!~ and when will we get to see the text of which you spoke that required an ending that you now possess?

I am always honoured that you stop to read my falderal, Jayne.

Love to you, dear lady.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 12:30

Victorclaude's picture

I'll go and look now.

V

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 11:01

Victorclaude's picture

Rosina,

Although I have never cursed the blank page, and often its void white brings laughter sitting there so pure in its innocence until it is overwritten, that it cannot be blamed for "pent up emotions", but it certainly becomes a cathartic for easing emotion's pain as they are shared with the page. Gotta get 'em out some way, and how better than writing; it is a non-violent sport.

Thank you very much for the read and elucidating comment.

Ciao,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 10:45

Victorclaude's picture

Shirley,

"wonderful way of having a relationship with blank pages and poetry! " I would put this poem in the category of works written by a lunatic. For who actually speaks to inanimate objects such as sheets of paper, but poets, and yours truly in particular. Of course, lunacy is a relative concept, being one of those wonderful things known as an abstract noun, so I am in good company with abstraction.

Thank you, once again, dear.

Ciao,

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment

scribbler

Fri, 2010-11-05 12:39

Volunteer badge

How good to read a poem on writing that doesn't deal with writer's block. I guess I'll take this as a challenge to approach a similar write lol. I think the scrawl repetition works well although to repeat a word so close together usually doesn't............scribbler

Victorclaude

Fri, 2010-11-05 21:30

Victorclaude's picture

Scribbler,

I think the scrawl repetition works well, too. I can't wait to see what you come up with about writing!

Thanks for the read and comment.

Victor

"When a pickpocket meets a holy man all he sees are his pockets."

Unknown (at least to me)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.