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Women

I did not write this
I would never write this
call me many -ists
but never a misogynist.

Most of my lovers have been women
and I love them all still…
well, mostly
and I’ve learned a thing or two.

my mother, in medieval times
would have floated
in a good way.

Beware little girls,
for they are three hundred pound
heavyweight manipulators.

Flee teenage girls,
the most savage and vicious
creatures on this planet.

Go with caution amongst young women
they are empowered
and can be frightening.

I did not say this,
I would never say:
tread carefully around all women
several days of the month.

And if you find a mature woman
standing before an open fridge door
you are wrong
you will never be forgiven.
Just hide.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I didn't write it, I was nowhere near the place at the time, no-one saw me write it, you can't prove a thing. It must be an imposter.
Editing stage: 

Comments

that there are exceptions to every rule, but don't count on it! It is very likely, that the three hundred pound little girl will break your heart with those beautiful eyes and pouting smile, [a trick they all learn very quickly]. I enjoyed this one very much and my favorite lines; dealt with the little girls of heavyweight manipulation. My granddaughters are in that category, and I suppose that in the next five years, will be in vicious teenage years. So that I am not just commenting; I would remove the [ ly ] from savagely and insert [and] between it and vicious. It somehow makes it smoother for me. A niggling little thing, but... ~ Gee.
.

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and read it to them with much trepidation and thank fuck they laughed, I half expected to get disemboweled.

Well picked up with that suggestion, editing now.

Ta, mate.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

What comes to mind is Nabokov's Lolita They can fall madly in love, seduce you in totality and can be sociopathic devils when they get a bur....haahaa,you got it right!
Are they not the golden apples of paradise turned flowers of evil with a whim

I knew a HS girl bangin her math teacher She was mad for him and he was totally at the mercy with the white knuckle terrors as she contemplated knocking off the wife or turn him in for pedophilia

that's 3 of the 30 lines.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

you sound disappointed ...so sorry ,,,it was a spontaneous response

even that bit was twisted in a nasty way. I was also quite pleased with the witchy reference and menopausal one.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I think I got the totality of the write save the last verse about standing in front of the refrigerator which threw me I asked my wife (in her mid 60s) and she immediately shot our "hot flashes" Her other comment was that her menopause was less dramatic. If that is the correct interpretation I think some how the words "hot flash" remain critical to the poem and since a difficult menopause may not be universal the verse needs a fire point i.e. less gestural implication and more specific explication, especially considering that many readers have no reference for the experience

I did not grow up with sisters and the women I knew where cowed to some extent by powerful ham-fisted patriarchs A case of front stabbers married to back stabbers.

So the issue of your poem for me was relatability and what came to mind was the iconic Lolita which was extremely relatable in that I'm quite a fan of on line sexually oriented communities I'm sure you know there's a lotta desolation and pain out there and a lotta young women while dangerous also remain in grave danger both from within and without, as they are compelled by ferocity of emotional / sexual appetite, passive masochistic gnawing hunger and an opposing need for self protection and survival, evoking Sylvia Plath Smith college girl nympho

Best Z

but most people get it as a reference to menopause

did you get that
"and a mother who in medieval times
would have floated
in a good way"
was a reference to witch dunking, if the woman drowned she was not a witch, if she floated they would dry her out and burn her. It reminds one of Arnaud Amalric's notorious saying, when asked how to tell the heretic from believe he said "kill them all and let god sort them out"
Mum was very fey.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"and a mother who in medieval times
Well Jess lets get acquainted ;)

Of course its a reference to witchcraft and a beautiful line
However I viewed less as the dunk and more of the levitating i.e. in a good way ( also associated with the craft)
I've never considered witches inherently evil just lovely wise bitches who love a good spanking and a red dicked old men like you or me Ladies who have a grip on the secrets of nature I've known many having been a member of the OTO

Yeah I know the quote... when aske how to tell the heretic from believe he said "kill them all and let god sort them out"

To me those good Christians ( The fucking 10 commandments crowd) You know the shalt not kill crowd were no better than Nazis, Pol pot butcher of Cambodia and his minions or all the other assholes running things ":)

Best Always Z

I liked this works it portray so much of our women folk and a see into your life and attitude (Good side that is)
The message be not afraid to dally within their reaches.
Great to see you writing ,
Yours as always Bru, Ian ..

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

brother

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

hello the one who-did-not-write this
thank you for the laughter!

and hello Weirdelf, lucky you you did not write it.

Are both of these poets in your head?
It is important for me to know whose butt to kick for referring to PMS.

Since the one who-did-not-write-it had other lovers besides women and suggests to stay away from women of practically any age, i wonder if this is your feminine side who wrote the poem.
Being a woman myself i do prefer men company and can relate to your poem very much.
Some of your suggestions are pretty reasonable, women are dangerous and complex half of humanity.
Great write, my friend. Send my best regards to the-one-who-did-not-write this poem and stay safe in case she is in your head.
Sincerely impressed by your unexpected duality, Irene

IRiz

I also wrote a poem called 'Woman Warriors', that was me too.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Brief and illusive answer. I like it. Let the other part of self speak, whoever it is, it is a poet too.

IRiz

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Good stuff.
Last stanza made my sides hurt.
Jess....with SISTERS...now THAT shit makes me fearful! LOL

Good stuff man, good stuff.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

growing up with 7 women and a physically and emotionally absentee workaholic father I had to learn to make every word I could get in edgewise count.
It's what made me both a poet and a great listener.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

liked your poem. why not? I've got the same chromosome as you. My nephew is getting a divorce. Man, they can be mean. (But, for PC, I mean is men can be mean too, many men are mean...)

Try it a few times without the second stanza. The family breaks the humor.
Also try switching stanza after stanza 3 ( Most of my lovers...) to after stanza 6 (Go with caution) . Then you can change "women" to older, more mature, whatever.
It follows a progression young to old, and "women" . also "Most of my lovers have been women" at that point in the poem is a distraction (as opposed to what...men?)
just sayin...
But all those consequences from just wanting to make woopie!

..

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

soon.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I've changed the second stanza but I didn't want to leave Mum out. Moved that third stanza up to two rather than down to six because it is part of my excuse for saying what I say.

Whadjareckon?

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

attributable to PMS or especially menopause is that it is forbidden for very good reason- do it once and you can do it for everything. Men have done it for centuries.

I have taken special license in this poem, due to my unique upbringing and sexual orientation to mention them. As with the other things in the poem, they are not definitive, yet they are true.

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

cheers,
Jess, Neopoet Directors
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment
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