Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Windows

Submitted by Carrie on Mon, 2024-09-02 01:27

Looking through my cell window, I can see other cell windows. Some with lights on, some with lights off. I imagine what sad thoughts and sad hearts are dreaming behind those cell windows. Children, husbands, lovers. To taste some good home cooking, to touch without being scalded. To laugh without fear and to cry without shame. I wonder? How many hearts behind those windows want to smash that glass, just wanna scream in anger, hurt and pain. But! It's just in vain. There's no-one to listen, it's not worth it, only to be placed in another cell, with no windows... only bars, only humiliation and another piece of your heart to be torn away. Once you break, it's got you, this place called prison is really hell. If you really listen closely, you can hear tears falling and soft sad voices drifting in the cold air, so, so, sad. Some cell windows have the faces that await freedom with anticipation, yet! Some cell windows do not. The ones who do not have faces that have aged hard and yet weak. They have no freedom to see, for them, freedom is but a word spoken, an envious thought as they watch these cells fill and then empty, yet to fill again. Those faces smile, yet cry out in vain for comfort. Knowing that when their freedom comes, it will be too late.

They will always be a cell window.
They will always be sad memories I have of this place called prison.

Style / type:

Free verse

Review Request (Intensity):

I appreciate moderate constructive criticism

Review Request (Direction):

What did you think of my title?

How was my language use?

What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?

How does this theme appeal to you?

How was the beginning/ending of the poem?

Is the internal logic consistent?

Last few words:

Thank you for reading, hope you enjoy. :)

Editing stage:

Not actively editing

Contest:

Neopoet Weekly 09/01/24 to 09/07/24

Content level:

Not Explicit Content

Opt-in: Neopoet AI will critique your poem.

Comments

neopoet

Mon, 2024-09-02 07:30

Neopoet AI 5-29-23 version

The below is a computer-generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

The poem "Windows" paints a vivid and poignant picture of life within the confines of a prison. The imagery of cell windows and the emotions they evoke are powerful and thought-provoking. The contrast between the desires for freedom and the harsh reality of confinement is effectively conveyed through your words. The repetition of certain phrases like "cell windows" and "freedom" adds to the overall impact of the poem.

One suggestion for improvement would be to consider varying the structure of the poem to create more dynamic pacing. This could involve experimenting with line breaks, stanza lengths, or incorporating different poetic devices to enhance the flow and rhythm of the piece. Additionally, you may want to explore further nuances in the emotions and experiences of the individuals behind the cell windows to add depth to their stories.

Overall, "Windows" is a compelling piece that captures the complexities of life in prison. By refining the structure and delving deeper into the emotional landscape of the characters, you can further elevate the impact of your poem.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Lavender

Tue, 2024-09-03 23:02