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WHERE NEXT THE SUN WILL RISE

Sunset this eve painted the clouds
which by morning will bring a cold rain
but for now those same ephemeral shrouds
are colored with an orange stain.

So many sunsets, so many years,
all similar but none the same,
some were seen through streaming tears
others enjoyed with an old flame.

I've watched sunsets in dripping heat
after working a long day
and seen them in a blowing sleet
when trees shivered bare and gray.

Until now I've become an old man
who knows the sunsets yet to be
are far fewer than when I began
as years and time continue to flee.

I am content that this is so.
There will come the time to end my race.
Yet when it becomes my time to go
I'll see the sun Rise in another place

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

thing is something that I was unsure of. I wrote it both ways and still ain't certain which is the better. I'll let it be a few days then make up my mind.Thanks for dropping by

author comment

the thesaurus hunting ....pl view stan for a logical description/use of the correct preposition
AT

*AT describes position at a specific point. It's very cold at the bottom of the ocean.

*AT is also used with a larger place (a store, bank, airport etc) Let's meet at the bank

*AT is used before the names of group activities at a party, at a meeting, at a play, at a parade

IN

*IN refers to position within large areas or in spaces that surround something on all sides My keys are in my bag. He is not in his office. The car is in the garage

PLEASE DISCUSS AND MUTUALLY DECIDE SORRY FOR THE INTERRUPTION

rose in a different location

author comment

the truth here and the simile of sunsets isn't lost on me.
Nicely done.

A couple of very minor changes to this poem
makes it just a bit more smooth.

Delete [a] before cold rain
Delete [as] beginning 4th stanza line 4

And Teddy's suggestion that you substitute [in] for at.
~ Geez.
.

My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
are more convenient and subjects
to talk about, contact me and we can discuss it
Thank you for your participation.
.

As I told Ted I'll let this rough draft sit another few days then do an edit. Thanks for the scansion suggestions and for reinforcing Ted's suggestion

author comment

cold rain, I think it flows better with A than without.....still thinking about the as thing though

author comment

Hi, Stan,
Such a reflective poem, especially for those of us who have seen many sunsets. I can imagine the different circumstances and colors to all the sunsets you have described. Beautiful. I especially love your last stanza. Peaceful.
Thank you!
L

Thank you for your kind words. I hope over time to tweak this to make it better

author comment

This shows how by helping one another we can all get better

author comment
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