Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

When Worlds Collide

Submitted by Gomez on Thu, 2012-03-29 15:28

Never did he take your hand,
He left you alone,
Lying there,
Letting that last one fall.

Never did you believe,
Because you were smarter than that,
He was the one,
But somehow he changed.

He asked for your hand,
You dove in blindly,
And he never knew,
Why you ran away.

Now alone he keeps himself,
No one knows who he is,
A shadow on the wall,
You were always his whole world.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

judyanne

Tue, 2012-04-03 12:29

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

the first verse seems obtuse - i don't really know what you mean
but the rest of the write is captivating

sad...
and i really like the closing lines
'No one knows who he is,
A shadow on the wall,
You were always his whole world' - sad....

love judy

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.