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For What Reason?

What Death is this
that would leave me breathing?
Walk with me hand-in-hand
and sit on the end
of the Earth
dangling
our legs to tease the stars
as the faces
of my dead
friends
float by on holiday

A hole waits for me
and will continue to wait
despite my willingness
to eat hors d'ourves with worms and maggots
because Death won't pull the trigger
or kick out the chair.

What are you afraid of
Death?
That you will make me happy?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 

Comments

You're talking much about death lately. Hope all is well with you.
I thought you need to give the lination some thought, especially the last few lines. What do you think?

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Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I write about death a lot. Not all that new for me.

Not certain to do with the lination. open to suggestions as always.

thanks for coming by.

Scott

Scott

author comment

because Death won't pull the trigger, (we don't need the comma here because "or" is a rejoinder that does that job).
or kick out the chair.
I miss your more structured works. Lot of verso libre on the site lately. Where is Stan's workshop?
Still, the imagery here is sound.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Haven't really had time lately to devote to structure. Everything I am posting is first draft hot off the press. Just trying to maintain or move forward in my progress with words. Although, I was working on a structured piece the other day. Scrapped it because the imagery wasn't right.

Comma was just me in a hurry. Draft doesn't have it in there.

Thanks for having a read.

Scott

Scott

author comment

I really really liked your line 'despite my willingness to eat hors d'ourvres with worms and maggots'

Wesley is always prejudiced about free verse...I think it's powerful because of the 'libre' structure. You shorten sentences and line length for effect (something Wesley just can't/won't get his head around).

I get it. Marvellous. Imagery is king in the 21st century. We live in a highly visual, connected society. I totally understand the process of hot pressing the creative word-flow. There is room for re-structuring and honing later.

Personally, I think this style is MUCH more the real you.

Ells :)

Thank you for the many compliments. I am never certain how a piece like this will be taken given the tone and subject matter. I appreciate the time you have spent recently reading and commenting on my work.

Wesley has always been supportive of most everything I write (he admittedly does not like everything, for which I greatly respect his honesty). I do tend to agree with him in that some of my structured pieces have an easy flow to them. Coupled with the imagery (which has never seemed to be a problem according to most on this site) they do seem to have a lingering "song like" effect.

I am curious as to your last comment, that free verse is MUCH more the real me. I have not had any structured pieces on the site in months. Is there a work in particular that you are recalling for comparison or is it just a general statement based on recent work?

Again, thanks for the time

Scott

Scott

author comment

I miss the "music" in most liberated poesy. When it is present I find the work can have as much impact as a structured piece (which can be mind bogglingly dull despite its "structure").
It is the rhythm that I seek. Give me the music and I will follow you anywhere. I use short to long lines often in more structured pieces and consistent line length in my free verse (yes, I have been "liberated" from time to time).
I do not prejudge verso libre. If it speaks clearly and evenly in its meter, then I will listen to the end. Structure is an end result. Meter and rhyme merely describe this result, not produce it.

Just for fun Betty, tell me what you think. The poem is quite deliberately over complex as the subject is also.
http://www.neopoet.com/workshop/poems/contemporary-free-verse

I used enjambment, short to long lines, a metrical organization, no rhyme. It is not what I consider one of my best, but I don't think it sucks.
In conclusion, I have no problems with verso libre. I seek quality of poetry first, foremost and only. I prefer structured works because the music speaks to me better, but I have had my socks blown off by much "liberated" poetry... such as yours.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

i liked your imagery , it reminded me of the ancient mariner by Coleridge , who was offered a chance in life in death

Can you please elaborate on your comment "it doesn't altercate". Are you looking for something specific to occur within the poem?

Scott

Scott

author comment

This would make a great skit, I thoroughly enjoyed the read there are so many wonderful lines and phrases I have to disagree I think you should write like this more often, death isn't an unusual thing to write about its something we all have to face though some people seem to write about it more than others, I adored these lines

Walk with me hand-in-hand
and sit on the end
of the Earth
dangling
our legs to tease the stars

love JC x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Thank you for stopping by. I'm glad the words work for you. I don't think you need to worry about me not writing about death. It is fairly common for me and I believe we'll always be.

Thanks again stopping by. always appreciate your input

Scott

Scott

author comment
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